


Verboten

by CordeliaRose



Series: Jalex [1]
Category: All Time Low
Genre: M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 27,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2406794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CordeliaRose/pseuds/CordeliaRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jalex. Teacher/student. Alex is the new boy who joins halfway through the year, and he intrigues his teacher, Jack. Jack knows that anything more than teaching between them is strictly forbidden but...there's something about Alex that makes him want to know more. Mentions of self-harm, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts and eating disorders. Please don't read if you're triggered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Morning, Year Tens,” Jack greeted, as the first of his class trailed in, chatting and laughing amongst themselves. A few replied cheerily, others not so, some ignored him completely and stalked to their assigned places.

Jack let out a slow breath and grabbed a stack of purple A4 books from his desk, which had previously been wobbling precariously, threatening to collapse at the slightest tremor.

“Right!” he said loudly, catching the students’ attention and causing the low-level noise to die down immediately.

“I’ve marked your essays – on the whole, rather good, but one or two of you fell down on the small details, which is understandable. Laura…Amy…” he muttered as he navigated around the classroom and dropped books on people’s desks. “Abbie, that was very good, but the Potsdam Conference was in July 1945, not June 1945…”

He was halfway round the classroom, commenting on essays and allowing his pupils to chat quietly among themselves as he did so, when there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” he called, handing the remaining books to a boy called Joe and asking politely if he could finish handing them out.

Mrs Gregor, the school’s counsellor, poked her head round the door and gestured for Jack to come out of the classroom. Jack hurried to the door with the instructions, “I’ll be right back, class; in the meantime, read through the corrections I’ve written on your essays and fill in your target sheets in the back of your books.”

There was a general chorus of “Yes sir” as he stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

“This is Alex,” said Mrs Gregor, gesturing to a teenage boy beside her. His left leg was jogging up and down with what Jack guessed was anxiety, and he was rubbing his thumbs together rhythmically.

“Hello Alex, I’m Mr Barakat,” Jack introduced himself, smiling reassuringly (he hoped). It seemed to work, because Alex’s shoulders drooped slightly and he smiled back, his hands stilling.

“He’s just joined today – his parents moved – and he will be in your History class, and joining your form group,” Mrs Gregor explained. “Sorry for the short notice, it was all rather rushed.”

“It’s fine,” Jack smiled and stepped back to his classroom door, leaning against the handle. “Come on in, Alex, it’s a nice group.” He nodded to Mrs Gregor as she patted Alex on the back and turned on her heel.

Jack opened the door and Alex trotted in ahead of him. His hands had started to rub each other again and he was visibly twitching. “Keep calm,” Jack muttered as he guided Alex to the one free desk next to his desk, next to a girl named Amy.

Amy looked up and smiled at Alex kindly, and then looked towards her teacher quizzically.

Jack crouched down in front of them and spoke quietly so others couldn’t listen in. “Amy, this is Alex, he’s just joined. He’s also going to be in our form group – can you look after him a bit, make sure he knows his way around?”

“Yeah, course,” Amy replied. Jack smiled – Amy was more than responsible enough and had a strong mother hen kind of instinct – Alex would be safe.

Jack turned his attention to the new boy. “Alex, have you done anything about the Cold War before?” He shook his head silently. “Right…hang on a sec, I’ll grab you a book and we’ll have to do some extra catch up sessions some time, maybe after school if that’s alright?”

“Yeah, that’s fine sir,” Alex whispered. Amy glanced at him and Jack knew she was thinking the same thing – anxiety.

“Here,” Jack said, placing a blank book down in front of his student. “This lesson won’t be much use as you won’t know what’s going on…” Jack pondered upon the matter for a few minutes, rocking back and forth on his heels thoughtfully. “How about you write a list of the time periods you’ve studied since Year 7 and the topics and stuff so I know what you’ve covered?”

Alex nodded as Jack placed a couple of sheets of lined paper on his desk and jumped back to the front of the class. “So!” he said loudly, clapping his hands to gather everyone’s attention. “Let’s talk about the Cuban Missile Crisis!”

There was a collective groan from the class as they opened their books and pulled out pencil cases.

******

The bell rang, signifying the end of the day, and Jack dismissed his Year Sevens and sat back down at his desk, rubbing his hands over his face. Eight hours of work and now six more hours of marking as soon as he got home.

He bent down to retrieve a pile of textbooks from under the desk and slammed them onto the nearest table, repeating his action several more times until he had recovered all of the books.

Jack stood up and began to stack them back in a low wooden cupboard, slightly battered and bruised from several years of rowdy students. It was a hot day and the classroom was stuffy; Jack rolled his sleeves up to the elbows and opened a window, swearing at the limited range.

He had already sweated buckets that day and had been wearing his jacket to cover up most of the stains, but now he was alone he stripped it off and undid a few of his buttons at the top of his shirt.

He sighed in relief at the immediate drop in temperature and carried on storing away the books, listening to the sounds of birds tweeting and students chattering outside his room.

There was suddenly a timid knock at the door, so small that Jack thought he had imagined it. Then it came again, and Jack sprung up, knocking a teetering stack of books over and shrugging his jacket on to cover up any marks left by sweat on his shirt.

“Come in,” he called, already feeling his temperature rising from the burgundy jacket.

The door opened slowly and Alex tiptoed into the room, biting his lip nervously. “Hello, sir,” he said quietly. “I just came to ask about the History catch up sessions…”

“Oh, right.” Jack stood up, wincing at the creaking of his knee joints, and ruffled through the papers on his desk to find his diary. He flipped it open to the current date and scanned down the pages quickly, his eyes flickering over the scribbled notes. “Today and Tuesday are a no…Wednesday and Friday are good…Thursday is questionable.”

“I can do Wednesday and Friday,” Alex offered, fidgeting with his bag, running the zip up and down.

“Great,” Jack mumbled, grabbing a pencil from his desk and jotting down _Alex: his. catch up._

“Thanks sir,” Alex said, appearing slightly more cheerful, and turning to go. Then he paused, and asked nervously, “Do you need any help clearing up, sir?”

Jack looked up, a pen lid in his mouth. He took it out quickly and said hurriedly, “You go on home, Alex, it’s fine.”

“I’m only going home to an empty house, my parents don’t get home until around 10pm,” Alex replied quickly.

“If you want to help…then why not?” Jack agreed, after a moment of consideration. Alex grinned and bounced into the room, going to kneel next to the cupboard and starting to pile books up inside.

“So, where do you live, anyway?” Jack quizzed. “If you’re still here then I’m guessing you don’t catch a bus, and if your parents aren’t home until late…”

“I live on the other side of town. I walk, it’s only about four miles,” Alex answered nonchalantly.

Jack turned his head and frowned at his student. “Four miles every day?”

“Technically eight,” Alex corrected. “I like walking, it clears my head.”

Jack eyed the boy. No wonder he was so skinny. “Can’t you get the bus? Or get your parents to drop you in the morning?”

Alex considered. “I could, but like I said, it clears my head.”

Jack nodded and crouched down next to Alex, catching his scent – he wasn’t sure what it was but it was nice, it suited Alex down to the ground.

******

Half an hour later, Alex slung his bag back over his shoulder and said goodbye, walking in quick, long strides.

Jack smiled as he raised a hand in departure and then chucked his own books in a duffel bag, along with the books he needed to mark. He rearranged the items on his desk into some form of order so it wouldn’t look so bad to the cleaners tonight and flicked the lights off after him.

He walked down the deserted corridor and down the stairs, shoes tapping on the metal, and then strode out to the car park, panting in the extreme heat. He unlocked his car with the familiar beep and shoved his duffel bag into the backseat and clambering into the front seat, which was currently at the same temperature of Hell.

He unwound the window, and sat there for a few minutes as the engine rumbled, considering Alex.

_Strange boy_. But there was something strangely inviting and charming to his personality. Jack was curious.

And he was going to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

“Um, hey, sir.”

Jack glanced up from his desk, throwing down his red pen when he recognised the figure in the doorway. “Alex! Come in! Hold on a sec…I have your book here somewhere…” Jack fumbled over the papers and books on his desk, spilling several of them on the floor in the process. He cursed loudly, forgetting his student was in the room, and scooped them up messily, all but chucking them back onto his desk.

“I have my book, actually, sir,” Alex said shyly. Jack froze like a rabbit caught in headlights, a pen in his mouth and random papers in his hands.

Jack calmly removed the pen from his mouth, and with as much dignity as he could muster, replied, “That would explain it. Thank you. Shall we begin?”

******

It was about an hour into the catch up session and Jack was pleased with Alex’s progress, and with his intelligence. True, it was a one on one lesson, which naturally meant that less time would be needed to cover each topic, but even with that borne in mind, Alex was making headway in a remarkably short gap of time. He was focused and quick-witted.

Jack pushed his glasses further up his nose and tapped his pen against the desk rapidly, humming slightly as he finished reading through a Year Nine’s essay on the causes of the French Revolution. Alex was scribbling something down on a sheet about the Potsdam Conference and frowning at his paper.

Jack added the essay to a stack of other essays, grabbing the pile, “I need to take this to the office, and I’ll be right back.” Alex looked up and nodded his confirmation, then immediately returned to his work.

Jack hurried out of the room and down the corridor, slipping into the office and filing the essays into the Year Nine drawer. He turned back to leave and locked the door behind him, the key sticking in the old lock. “Bloody old school,” he muttered as he strode back down the corridor, pushing his classroom door open with his back.

“Can’t even afford to get the locks changed,” he said vehemently under his breath, slipping the key into his pocket with his phone. “How are you getting on?” He addressed the question to Alex, who now had his hand on his forehead tersely.

“Alright,” the teenager mumbled without looking up, “it’s hard.”

“It’s meant to be,” Jack agreed. “I usually get students to do it in pairs, so no wonder it’s difficult.” He approached the desk and settled down onto his wooden chair, taking his glasses off and tossing them down on the oaken surface, leaning over to see how Alex’s work was. He frowned.

Alex’s handwriting was normally neat and smooth, curling over the lines printed on the paper, but it was messy here, and waved up and down. It was rough and straggled, written in shorthand, not at all in keeping with Alex’s usual, meticulous notes.

“Alex?” he said softly, upon realising that the teenager had dropped his pen and was now cradling his head in both of his hands. “Alex?” he repeated, louder, and then tentatively touched his hand to his shoulder.

Alex jerked as if a bolt of electricity had struck him, and Jack made a calming, shushing noise and removed his hand. Alex curled his legs up underneath him on the chair and linked his arms around the front of his shins, and burrowed his face into his legs. Jack could hear ragged, irregular, painful breaths being sucked into Alex’s lungs, and slid off his chair so he could crouch in front of the boy.

“Alex? Alex, can you look at me?” Jack waited for any sort of reply, and when it was clear he would not get one, tried a different tactic: “You need to breathe deeply, Alex, in and out. I know it’s really hard right now, and I know you feel like you’re going to die, but if you breathe deeply the feeling will be over quicker.” He made sure to keep his tone measured, even, calm; he saw Alex’s shoulders relax minutely at his firm instructions and he attempted to make his breathing more regulated, struggling against his panic attack.

It was a good few minutes before Alex spoke: “It’s…can’t do it…die…”

Jack understood the broken fragments of his speech. “I know it’s hard, but you can do it. I know your chest feels very tight and you feel like you’re going to explode from the panic, but you will not die. You will be fine, and you will be fine even sooner if you just keep trying to breathe deeply and slowly.”

Alex unfolded his body, letting his legs fall to the floor and his arms collapsed brokenly onto his lap as his breaths forced themselves into a regular pattern.

“That’s it…well done…” Jack murmured, ensuring his tone was reassuring. He reached out again to Alex, this time lying a hand on his hand. Alex started but this time less significantly, and he didn’t shudder away from his touch.

Suddenly Alex threw himself from his chair and onto Jack, his arms wrapping around his slender frame. Jack mirrored his actions, knowing that Alex wasn’t in his right state of mind right now, and above all else needed comfort.

Hesitantly, wondering whether this was trespassing into the No Man’s Land of teacher-student relationships, Jack reached up to stroke through Alex’s hair, humming softly into Alex’s ear.

He could feel Alex nuzzling into his neck, and settled down into a more comfortable position, gently ushering Alex into his lap. _Definitely crossing some sort of boundary,_ he thought. Right then, he didn’t care; Alex was a scared boy in need of protection.

Alex’s breathing eventually slowed down to normal, and he began to stop rocking backwards and forwards so rapidly. Just as suddenly as he had collapsed onto Jack, he had scrambled up again, and had run to the door, pausing only to gather his jacket and bag, and then he stumbled out of the door without a word backwards.

Jack staggered to his feet, a dead leg hindering him, and rushed as best he could to the window that overlooked the school gates. He saw Alex hurrying out, his cheeks bright red, and deduced that Alex was either upset or embarrassed. Jack groaned and flung himself into his chair. He grabbed his marking for the night and shoved it blindly into his bag, heading out of the door in much the same fashion as Alex had done minutes before.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex walked in to Jack’s room the next morning with his face hidden. The first bell had just rung, signalling Registration, and his form were slowly filing in. Alex took his seat – although not strictly assigned, his pupils seemed to sit in the same places every day – and started to jiggle his leg up and down nervously, and tapping his right hand on the desk in a quick, frantic rhythm.

“Alex,” Jack said quietly as another group of students traipsed in, Amy among them. Alex looked up at his teacher reluctantly, his face flushed with embarrassment. “Can you come up here for a second?”

Alex stood, looking for all the world like he was being asked to repeat Hercules’ Twelve Labours, but stomped over to the desk, narrowly avoiding a collision with Amy, who laughed it off and settled into her usual seat next to Alex’s.

“I just wanted to say,” Jack muttered, “that you have nothing to be ashamed of. What happened yesterday doesn’t mean you’re weak, or that I think anything bad of you, it just means that now I understand what’s going on in your head a little better.”

“Really?” Alex whispered through cracked lips. They looked as though they had been bitten several times since Jack had seen him last, and he hadn’t bothered to straighten his hair that morning. In fact, it looked like he had barely slept last night.

“Really,” Jack replied. “You were having a panic attack, Alex, and you weren’t in your right mind – you were seeking comfort, and that’s understandable.”

“Thanks, sir!” Alex appeared to brighten up and almost skipped back to his seat. He greeted Amy and they both chatted happily.

Jack cleared his throat for attention and took the register quickly, and then just as rapidly read out the sheet of notices for the day. “Bell’s going to go in five minutes,” he called, glancing at the clock, “feel free to chat while you’re waiting.”

Jack clicked through his emails and sighed as he read several messages from the Head Teacher criticising the behaviour of a few individual members of his form. He groaned inwardly – he would have to make some phone calls that night.

The bell rang, and Jack jumped to his feet, yelling, “Stand behind your places quietly, please.” He waited for compliance from the students and then dismissed them, bringing up the PowerPoint he needed for this lesson on his computer screen.

“Alex,” he said, sorting through papers on his desk, “I was thinking as we’ve only started catching up so far, you could spend this lesson copying up the work we did last night, and I have some additional worksheets here for you.” Jack let out a small, triumphant cry and retrieved the papers from his desk. He leant over his desk and slid the papers over to Alex, who was tugging his book and own papers from his bag, along with his pencil-case.

“Thanks, sir,” Alex said, smiling at his teacher. Jack felt suddenly weirdly happier that his pupil was looking cheerier, but as the rest of the students filed into the room he pushed the thought from his mind.

***********

“Hey, Mr. Barakat,” Amy said, approaching his desk. Jack glanced up and smiled in greeting, accepting Amy’s proffered book.

“Hello, Amy, what can I do for you?” Jack asked, scanning the page in front of him.

“I was just wondering about whether I’ve done the essay you set us right, I wasn’t really sure…” Amy’s voice trailed off as she began to chew her nails and fidget.

“Let me see…” Jack muttered, “It seems alright, you’ve definitely got the right idea, you could expand a little bit more on a few of the points you’ve made.”

“Yeah, I had to finish it in a bit of a hurry, I got distracted chatting to Alex,” Amy grinned, readjusting her bag on her shoulder.

“Oh? What were you talking about?” Jack asked interestedly, yanking his red pen from his drawer and writing a couple of comments on Amy’s essay.

“Just about his old school and stuff like that, he’s been really badly bullied in the past and he’s hoping he’s not going to be here.”

“Why was he bullied?” Jack frowned. He wasn’t horrible; he was a sweet, kind boy, as far as Jack could tell, and he wasn’t ugly – in fact, the opposite.

“He’s gay,” Amy replied, in what seemed to Jack in a far too casual manner – almost as if she was trying to show that she was completely fine with his sexuality, for fear of being thought of as homophobic.

“Ah,” was Jack’s reply. He handed Amy’s book back to her and smiled as she exited the room.

Inside, Jack’s mind was fizzing and bubbling like a chemical reaction, and his insides suddenly felt strange. He shook his head and picked up a pile of textbooks, shoving them roughly into the cupboard to distract himself with the task. However, his mind wandered and he soon found himself thinking about Alex again, distracted by the images of him tossing his head to flick his hair out of his face, and when he smiled and an adorable dimple appeared in his left cheek.

Jack shook his head again, as if the physical motion would force the thought to fly from his mind, and stood up, slamming the cupboard doors shut. He frowned, rubbing at a crease set in the back of his neck like he always did when he was plagued by a nagging thought, the kind that rested in the back of your mind and were constantly an itch that you couldn’t get rid of.

Jack settled back into his chair and sighed, drumming his hands on the arm rests. His mind flicked back to Alex again, annoyingly (or maybe not so much), and a new idea blossomed.

He pulled open the lid of his laptop and waited for the slow internet connection to take him to Google, and then typed rapidly ‘anxiety’ and hit the enter key. While he waited for the search results to load, he sprung from his chair and hurried down to the Student Support centre, luckily only a thirty-second walk from his classroom. Relieved that it was empty – not that what he was doing was illegal or against the rules, he just didn’t want to have to explain his actions to anybody at that moment – Jack slipped into the office and pulled out the drawer in the filing cabinet called ‘Year Ten’. He flipped through to find ‘Gaskarth, Alex’ marked in the untidy scrawl of the secretary and tugged it out, closing the drawer again.

He closed the office door after himself quietly, even though there was no one there to hear him, and stepped back to his classroom quickly. He plonked himself down in front of his laptop once more, clicking on the first website that had come up and ruffling through Alex’s file.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack flipped Alex’s file open, scanning down the first page. It was the standard, basic information that each child had in their file. Jack noted that his middle name was William, and smiled to himself faintly. His date of birth was typed just underneath his name, and Jack reached for his diary. He flipped three months forward to December, and jotted ‘Alex’s birthday’ down in his untidy scrawl, not entirely sure why he was doing it.

Jack read through the page quickly, glancing over and mostly ignoring his contact details and address, and, turning the page over, cursed at the folder for being awkwardly resistant and refusing to let him bend the page over entirely.

He reached over to his desk and retrieved his glasses case, seating them on his nose comfortably.

The next page was his last school’s report. He had achieved As in all of his subjects, and all of his teachers had scribed glowing reports, full of praise – Jack frowned, wondering why Alex had left if he was getting on so well.

The next page gave him the answer to that. It was entitled ‘Personal Details’, and when Jack quickly checked out the number of pages, it was clear that there was a myriad of problems surrounding Alex.

The first sub-heading was ‘Primary Education’, a section that continued at least onto the next page. Jack shoved his glasses further up his nose and started to read.

_Alex first experienced problems with bullying in primary school. He was naturally reclusive and seemed to enjoy spending break and lunch times by himself, rather than playing with the other children. He didn’t enjoy the same things as the other pupils, and was of above average intelligence, which made him a target._

_In Kindergarten, Alex was a very serious boy. Unlike the other new pupils, who often got emotional when being separated from their parents, Alex was very stoic in his nature. He seemed irritated at the displays of affection shown by fellow classmates and their parents, and more than once expressed confusion over why they were acting in such a way – it was as if the bonds and love between them was an alien experience to him._

_Unlike the others, he was very quiet once settled, and never volunteered information independently. If asked to answer a question, his answers were correct 99% of the time, and he was very straight-to-the-point with his answers, speaking concisely and practically. He presented neat and tidy work, with meticulous handwriting and a clear layout, both very advanced for his age. He was silent when completing tasks, not contributing to group chatter at the tables._

_At first, the students tried to interact with Alex, and he responded politely, but warily, like he wasn’t sure whether they were lying or how to handle the friendship that he was being offered. After a few weeks of their attempts, they simply left Alex alone._

_It is not clear when the bullying started, but it is most likely that it began shortly after their attempts at friendship which would be roughly halfway through the school year. Alex never spoke out about his bullying, but it was noticed that around the middle of the academic year, Alex became even more reclusive, and started to remain inside during play-times, claiming he preferred the indoors._

_As time went on, Alex was steadily more inclined to stay inside and began to isolate himself from others, sitting alone during class-time._

_When Alex progressed into Year 1, he had the best testing scores and reading age of the year, but no friends. He often seemed tired and withdrawn but worked hard and completed all tasks before anyone else._

_It was discovered that Alex had not been driven to school for some time, and had told his parents that he wished to walk the two miles by himself to and from school. When his parents were questioned on this, they insisted that the distance was safe and Alex had walked further before, and all they wanted was for their son to do as he wished._

_Alex’s erratic behaviour continued throughout the time he was at the school. In Year 2, he claimed that he had fallen badly in the corridor to the teacher who found him lying on the floor. He was taken to hospital and his wrist was found to be broken. When asked about his fall, Alex only said that he had tripped, and then refused to answer any other questions, leading teachers to believe that he had been pushed by another student. Alex didn’t answer when he was asked if this was true._

_After this event, teachers were more diligent in taking care of Alex, and with their increased observation noticed that when students passed Alex’s desk in lessons they would often whisper something, and similarly when passing in corridors. Alex refused to acknowledge these events when talked to by a teacher, and the other students insisted that they were only saying greetings to Alex on these occasions._

_In Year 3, Alex started to spend long periods of time in the school’s library, visiting whenever possible. This behaviour carried on through to Year 6, right up until Alex left for secondary school. He rejected any questions posed to him about this by replying that he liked reading every time he was asked._

_Years 4, 5 and 6 are similar in their events: every month or so, Alex would be sent home with some form of injury, usually head or arm related. He maintained that these injuries were his own fault, and similarly his classmates claimed that Alex must have been clumsy. During these years, Alex never reported anything but seemed to be in a continually low mood. When his parents were consulted, they said that Alex had been behaving normally and happily at home, and that perhaps the work was making him unhappy at school._

Jack flipped the folder shut unhappily. He wasn’t sure he wanted to read anymore if it was all like this. He dropped it on his desk and ran his hands over his face, sighing at what he had just read. He resolved to ask Alex about it in their after-school session that evening.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harm, suicide and eating disorders in this chapter

The bell rang its usual sharp trill, signifying the end of the last lesson. The hallways suddenly transformed from the silent, empty passages into a crowd of noisy, shouting teenagers, their footsteps thundering as they all scrambled for their freedom.

Jack held his wooden door open, absent-mindedly stroking his thumb along the solid, round handle of brass. He smiled and returned his students’ farewells as they passed, waiting for the last of them to clear out before winging the door shut with a firm clap of noise and muffling the sounds outside.

Jack started to re-arrange the desks back into their usual formation; they had been moved as his last class had been working on group projects. He swore as he saw the scattered scraps of paper that decorated his carpeted floor, and at the number of scissors and glues still left out on the wooden surfaces.

“Are you okay?” came Alex’s voice.

Jack whirled around, taken by surprise, his hand still clutching his messy quiff in frustration. “Alex! Sorry, didn’t hear you come in.”

“It’s fine, sir.” Alex shrugged it off nonchalantly and dropped his bag by Jack’s desk hesitantly. “You sounded angry…?”

“Yeah, no big deal,” Jack said, puffing out a large break of air. “Year Sevens don’t know what the words ‘tidy up’ mean, judging by this.”

Alex laughed as he surveyed the scene in front of him. “I’ll help,” he offered, kneeling down on one knee to collect paper.

Jack, momentarily dazed by the sight of Alex bent over in tight jeans, replied, “Yeah, thanks.”

Together, the work was quickly done, and only five minutes had passed when they started to slot the desks back together. “That’s the last time I’m letting them do a group project,” Jack commented ruefully.

“What was it on?” Alex questioned, pushing a desk against the wall neatly.

“Henry VIII,” Jack replied, “and his six wives. I gave each of the groups a wife and they had to make a poster about her. They got a little too excited at the prospect of cutting and sticking, as you can probably tell from his bomb-site.”

“I remember doing the Tudors,” Alex said conversationally. “We mostly did Elizabeth I, though.”

“We’re moving onto that soon,” Jack replied, chucking the last of the paper into the recycling bin.

“I wish I’d been at this school since Year Seven,” Alex said, with a slight hint of bitterness underlying his words.

Jack cleared his throat and began awkwardly, “Alex, Amy told me something…”

Alex tensed suddenly from where he was bending over to retrieve a pair of scissors. He straightened up and threw them into the plastic blue box. “Yeah?”

“She told me about how you were bullied at your last school…for being gay?” Jack bit his lower lip, worried how Alex would react.

The student sighed and clasped his hands behind his neck. “Yeah, I was…” he admitted.

Jack moved towards Alex slowly, touching his shoulder tentatively. “I don’t have any problem with homosexuality.”

Alex turned to face him, looking suddenly anxious. “I didn’t think you did, sorry if you thought that, I just-”

Jack cut off his babbling with a calm utterance of, “Alex, Alex, Alex.” When he stopped apologising and regarded his teacher with wary eyes, Jack sighed and continued, “You didn’t give off that impression at all, okay? That was the wrong way for me to say that – obviously, with your anxiety, you’re going to worry about offending people a lot. I just wanted to let you know, yeah? I’m always here to chat because, I mean, I went through the same thing when I was about your age.”

Alex started. “You’re…?” he started to ask, but trailed off uncertainly.

“Yeah, I’m gay,” Jack said, wondering why he was telling such a thing to his student. He knew he could trust Alex anyway. “And I was bullied for it, although from the tone of Amy’s voice, I don’t think mine was quite as bad as yours.”

Alex nodded, understanding the subtle invitation to talk and instinctively tugging at his teacher’s sleeve. Jack pulled out two chairs and sat down on one of them, letting Alex clutch his shirt for comfort.

“Keep breathing,” Jack told him, “in and out, deep breaths.”

Alex nodded again and exhaled before beginning to talk. “I realised I was gay in Year Seven, towards the end of it, which I guess is quite an early time to realise. I didn’t really have any friends before that anyway, but somehow the news got out in the last week of the school year. I’m still not sure how – I didn’t tell anyone but I guess someone saw me writing in my journal about it or something.”

“I used to have a journal,” Jack chipped in, stroking through Alex’s hair soothingly. “It really helped.”

“It did, yeah.” Alex took three deep breaths in and out to steady himself, and then continued. “I had the summer holidays to worry about it and when I got back, I thought people would have forgotten about it, but they hadn’t. It was really bad. It started off with them calling me stuff like ‘faggot’ or that I was a freak, and I…” Alex swallowed nervously and his breathing sped up a little.

“Alex, deep breaths, slow breaths, come on,” Jack said firmly, still running his hand through Alex’s soft hair. “That’s it,” he praised when Alex’s breathing went back to normal. “What were you going to say? I won’t judge you for it, whatever it is,” he added.

“I turned to self-harm,” Alex whispered, looking down at the floor and taking a shuddering breath.

“That’s…not very good, obviously,” Jack said, desperately trying to think of a way to make his student feel better. “But it doesn’t make you a bad person, and it definitely doesn’t make you a freak or anything. It’s not a label.”

“Thanks, sir,” Alex said, sounding grateful for the comfort. “They – the people bullying me – they found out about the cutting too, a couple of months after I started, and they started calling me an emo and stuff like that.

“I attempted suicide a few weeks after that, but it didn’t work, my parents found me and called an ambulance. I was put on a suicide watch and I was considered even more of a freak after it. I thought I was a failure for not being able to kill myself, and the cutting became worse and worse.”

“It’s okay,” Jack said quietly, sensing another panic attack coming on if he didn’t diffuse the situation. “You’re not a failure, you’re not a freak, you’re not anything like that. You’re just Alex, and Alex is a very good person, believe me.”

A tear dripped onto the floor from Alex’s downward-facing face, and Jack wrapped his arms around the boy instinctively. “Don’t cry, Alex, you have no reason to be ashamed of yourself.”

“I’m such a mess,” Alex sobbed, his body shaking. He collapsed into Jack’s arms and his tears fell thick and fast.

“You’re not a mess, Alex, trust me you’re not.” Jack was at a loss for words – he honestly didn’t know what to say. “You’ve made friends here, right?”

Alex nodded. “Y-yeah…Amy.”

“Have you talked to Amy about any of this?” Jack asked gently, resting his chin on Alex’s head.

“No, not yet, just the basics…she doesn’t know about the cutting or anything.” Alex’s tears were becoming slower and he wiped his face, inhaling deeply.

“Well done, that’s good, keep breathing like that,” Jack encouraged. “Now, I’m not going to force you to tell anyone, but Amy is an extremely trustworthy person and having a friend who knows will help a serious amount.”

Alex nodded silently, still attempting to control his tears. “Sorry, sir,” he said, in a slightly shaking voice, a few minutes later.

“It’s fine, honestly,” Jack said softly, rubbing his back comfortingly. “Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?”

Alex straightened up, still wrapped in Jack’s arm, and leant against his chest. Jack went back to stroking through his coppery hair. “Do you dye your hair?” Jack asked suddenly.

Alex laughed a little. Jack couldn’t help noticing how cute his laugh was. “Yeah, it’s naturally a kind of light brown colour, I dyed it so it had a red tinge but I’m thinking of letting it fade out.”

“I’d like to see your natural colour, give it a go,” Jack said, admiring Alex’s silky hair.

“Thanks, I think I will.” Alex sighed. “Thanks for listening sir, I don’t think there’s anything else I want to talk about.”

“Okay,” Jack agreed. “Can I ask you a couple of questions? Only answer if you’re comfortable with doing so, though.”

“Sure.”

“Where do you cut yourself?” At Alex’s inquisitive look, Jack shrugged. “I’m just curious.”

Alex cleared his throat and looked down at his hands. “Legs mainly, sometimes hips and stomach; I used to do it on my wrists but it’s too noticeable.”

“Okay, thanks for answering. The next thing is about something that might be a bit sensitive, or might not.”

“Right.” Alex’s brow furrowed as he glanced up at his teacher. “Go ahead.”

“You walk a long way to and from school every day, and I’ve never seen you eating lunch…you’re really skinny, Alex, and I have to ask for your well-being. How many calories do you get every day?”

Alex shrugged in a nonchalant manner, even though his body had tensed again. “I dunno, probably about a thousand or so.”

Jack sighed. “You’re a rubbish liar, Alex, and even if it was a thousand – which I doubt - it’s still not enough.”

“Just stay out of it, please, sir.”

“I can’t, Alex, I’m worrying that you have an eating disorder.”

Alex paused, and then his fists clenched. “I don’t, sir.” He stood up.

Jack mentally slapped himself. Way to go, Jack, nice and sensitive about it. “Alex-”

“I don’t feel very well,” Alex said abruptly. “Sorry, I think I have to go home.”

“Alex, I’m sorry for-”

“Doesn’t matter sir,” Alex replied curtly, grabbing his bag and swinging it onto his shoulder, slamming the door behind him as he left.

Jack groaned in annoyance and frustration, and began to shove his own stuff into the duffel bag he used for school, cursing his own stupidity constantly. He slammed the door behind him in much the same style as Alex had done and locked it aggressively, storming down the corridor and heading towards the car park.

****************************LINE BREAK

Jack flopped onto his sofa and punched the cushion next to him. There was a whine and Jack glanced up to see his puppy watching him, his head cocked to one side. “Come on, Biscuit,” he called, patting the space next to him, his anger fading away when he saw his dog.

Biscuit jumped up eagerly and licked him on the nose twice, wagging his bushy tail enthusiastically. It was one thing that Jack loved so much about dogs, they were always so happy to see you at the end of a long day.

“What would I do without you, eh, Biscuit?” Jack mumbled, caressing his fluffy head as he settled down onto Jack’s lap.

Biscuit yawned and went to sleep, satisfied now that his owner was home. Jack smiled slightly and ran his hands over his face, wishing he’d handled the situation at school earlier better. Now that he was home, he knew exactly what he should have said, how he should have tackled what was going on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of suicide in this chapter.

“Sir?”

Jack glanced up to see Alex in front of him, his hands shaking and biting his lip. It was break-time and even on the third floor, he could hear shrieks from the pupils messing around outside. “Alex, what’s wrong?” He nearly added ‘dear’ to the end of his sentence and wondered what was going on with him.

“It’s…” Alex sighed and closed his eyes briefly, then had another attempt. “I feel…not very good today.”

Jack nodded slowly, motioning for Alex to fetch a chair and join him at his desk. “In what way?” he asked gently, hoping that he hadn’t upset the student yesterday when he’d brought up the topic of an eating disorder.

“Suicidal.” A tear raced down Alex’s face. He wiped it away ferociously, as if he was ashamed of himself for crying.

Jack had never been in this situation before – God, what should he do? Tentatively, he questioned, “Are you seriously considering it?”

Alex nodded, burying his face in his hands as more tears escaped from his eyes. Jack grabbed a box of tissues and pulled a few from it, scrunching them together and offering it to Alex. With a shaky “Thanks,” Alex accepted the ball of tissue and wiped his face and eyes.

“I’ve never been in this situation before,” Jack began, not totally aware of where what he was saying was going to end up, “but I can tell you one thing: I care about you, and I know a lot of people here who do as well. Understand?”

Alex nodded, still apparently pretending that he wasn’t crying.

“Now, what you have to think about is what happens when you commit suicide. I don’t mean the impact your death would have on people and all that stuff that just makes you feel guilty about being suicidal, but I mean the actual dying part.

“Your body is an incredible thing. Right now, there are millions and millions of cells in your body. Some of them are carrying blood around your body, some are fighting disease, some are making up various parts of your body like muscles and organs.

“You have an intricate system of organs that digest your food for you, and take out all the nutrients that you need to survive. You have an amazing skeleton that had so many bones all knitted together and enabling you to do brilliant things with your body.

“If you killed yourself, all that would stop. Your brain would stop working, your mind would just…stop, completely. Your heart would stop beating and pumping blood around your body. It would become still and empty.

“Your organs would shut down; your kidneys would stop doing their job, so would your liver, stomach, all of them.

“Your muscles wouldn’t ever be used again. Neither would your bones, or any other part of your body.” Jack paused and rested his hand on Alex’s leg. His student hadn’t stopped crying yet, but his eyes were focused on Jack, as he rubbed the tears from his face. “I know what you’re feeling right now is terrible. I don’t think I could even comprehend feeling like you do now, but I know that it is a terrible ache and possibly the worst thing in your world. But do you want your body to stop working? All of those spectacular things that are happening inside you right now – do you really want them to stop?”

“No,” Alex whispered after a few seconds. “I don’t.”

“Good,” Jack said softly. “Now, I know you will still feel like this, but now whenever the feeling or the urge becomes especially strong, just think of this conversation we’ve had and remind yourself how strong you are.”

Alex nodded and stood up, wiping his eyes one last time. Jack, happy to see that he was no longer crying, helped him return the chair he’d used to the correct desk.

“Sorry for wasting your time, sir,” Alex muttered, avoiding eye contact with his teacher.

“It isn’t a waste of time, Alex,” Jack said firmly. “I’m here whenever you need to talk about anything, and in the unlikely event that I’m not, Mrs Gregor is, and she’s very good on these issues too.”

“Okay, thank you, Mr. Barakat.” Alex slung his bad over his shoulder and headed towards the door.

“No problem.” Jack called after him, having to restrain himself from saying ‘dear’ again. He ran a hand through his messy hair, worrying no only about what was going on in his mind, but also about Alex. And if his eyes weren’t mistaken, when Alex had pulled his bag across his body, his sleeve had ridden up, and he had a fairly large, irregular bruise decorating his wrist, black, purple and angry.

It was probably nothing – Jack himself currently had a bruise on his hip about the size of a fifty-pence piece, from an enthusiastic attempt at dancing that had taken a horrific turn for the worse when he had smashed into the corner of his dining table. Still, he worried about it – when was his next after-school session with him? Tomorrow. He would ask him about it then.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of suicide, self harm and domestic abuse.

Jack looked over at Alex. The boy was working hard; he was a determined student, which Jack liked about him. He was also a kind, warm-hearted person, and Jack admired how strong he was, dealing with all of the issues he had. Right now, he had a crease in between his eyebrows from staring at his work, and his lips had a slight downturn.

“Relax,” Jack said softly. Alex jerked his head up, obviously startled by his teacher. “You were frowning down at your work, Alex. It’s not that serious – ease up and stop worrying so much.”

“I’ll try,” Alex replied, looking unconvinced and resuming his work. Jack watched his student for a few more minutes, admiring the way the sun caught his hair as it streamed through the window. It was warm in the room, despite having all of the windows open, but Alex resolutely had his jumper on, even after removing his blazer.

Yesterday, despite the temperature being lower, Alex hadn’t bothered particularly to cover up the bruise on his wrist. The only assumption Jack could draw from him wearing his jumper today was that there were more. Jack removed his glasses and set them down on his desk, bored with marking essays. He needed to ask Alex about the bruise, now possibly bruises.

It seemed like he had chosen the right time: Alex set down his pen, looking satisfied. “Finished,” he announced, looking proud of himself, and Jack couldn’t blame him; it was a difficult activity he had set him.

“Great.” Jack dragged his chair from his desk so he could sit next to Alex. He hesitated. “Can we have a chat quickly, Alex?”

Alex nodded, although he suddenly tensed and swallowed nervously. “Of course.”

“Don’t feel anxious about it,” Jack said softly. “It’s nothing you’ve done.” He hated seeing the boy worked up, but he feared he was going to make Alex stressed with this conversation. There was no way around it, though.

“Is it about the conversation we had yesterday?” Alex asked, curling his legs up onto the chair and hugged his knees with his arms.

“Partially,” Jack answered truthfully. He had been intending to ask Alex how he was now feeling after yesterday, but that was only the start of the conversation. “Are you still feeling suicidal?”

Alex smiled faintly, although both of his legs were now jumping up and down nervously. “Thanks for saying it straight and not avoiding the word like most people do.”

“Beating around the bush doesn’t help, and don’t avoid the question.”

Alex sighed. “I’m still feeling suicidal, although the urges aren’t as strong now.”

“So, is that better? Do you feel better?” Jack regarded the boy in front of him, wondering whether rubbing his back would be crossing the student-teacher boundary. When Alex blinked rapidly, as if he was going to cry, Jack decided that it didn’t matter whichever way.

Alex jumped when he felt Jack’s hand on his back, stroking up and down comfortingly. He sucked in a deep breath and answered, “It’s better but I don’t feel any better. I know it sounds weird but…” He shrugged, not knowing how to finish his sentence.

“It’s just how it is,” Jack finished. “I get it. I meant to say, Alex – when we’re in these after-school sessions, just call me Jack.”

“Oh. Okay…Jack.”

“Good.” Jack bit his lip. “I need to ask you something that you might not really want to answer.” Alex stiffened instantly, his back becoming tense. “It’s not about eating,” Jack added, wondering if that was what Alex was concerned about. It wasn’t – his muscles didn’t loosen.

“Can I see your arms, Alex?” Jack asked cautiously, ready to react if Alex tried to flee. He didn’t, but he didn’t do anything else; he sat as if he was frozen, not making any movements. Jack reached over hesitantly and pulled Alex’s sleeves up, still not receiving any reaction from the younger boy. “Oh my God,” he muttered when he saw his wrists.

He was right: the reason he was hiding his arms was because the number of bruises had increased. Jack couldn’t quite wrap his head around just how many there were; the majority of his arms were black or purple or blue, bruises overlapping each over.

He finally got a reaction from Alex when he brushed against one of the bruises; the boy hissed and withdrew his arms, clutching them close to his chest. “Hurts,” he said by way of explanation.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, doing his best to keep his voice level and calm. Experience of teaching had told him that becoming agitated around a distressed student was like becoming agitated around animals: they picked up on it and it added to their stress. “Can you show me your arms, please, Alex? I promise I won’t touch them if you don’t want me to.”

Alex extended his arms gingerly, “Can you not touch them please, Jack?” The name slipped out easily, without him even thinking about it.

“Of course, anything you want,” Jack reassured, taking Alex’s hand instead. He bit his lip when he saw the damage: it was like a tattoo sleeve of bruises. “Does it go any further?”

Alex nodded, but didn’t make any move to roll his sleeves up any more. Jack took it as a signal that he didn’t want him to see, and didn’t ask him to show him. “Who did this to you, Alex?” There were a thousand and one ideas running through his head, mainly concerning whether Alex was being bullied here, whether his old school’s bullies had somehow come into contact with him, whether he had gotten in street fight, whether this was some form of self-harm…

Alex merely shook his head at the question. “Alex, I need to know,” Jack pressed. “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, but please, I need to know.” Jack was becoming dizzy from all of the thoughts racing around in his head, and he knew that if Alex didn’t tell him what had happened, he wouldn’t tell anyone.

“I can’t,” Alex choked out, and Jack realised that his breathing had become laboured and shallow, quick pants in and out. Jack forced Alex’s head up to look at him, stroking his jawline with his thumb soothingly.

“Breathe in,” Jack ordered. “That isn’t a choice, Alex, you have to breathe in.” Although he had only known the boy for a short time, he had figured out that what Alex needed during a panic attack was clear, concise orders. “Feel my thumb along your jaw. Feel that and nothing else: just my thumb along your jaw.”

Alex reached out and grasped his teacher’s free hand, bending over in his chair. “Jack…” he gasped.

“I’m here, I’m here,” Jack soothed. He was pretty terrified by the situation to be honest, and he wasn’t sure if he was capable of calming Alex down right now. “I’m here, don’t worry, I’m so proud of you, keep trying to breathe deeply…” Jack kept up his meaningless chatter until Alex’s breathing was less laboured and he wasn’t gasping for air anymore.

“Feel light-headed,” Alex muttered, swaying where he sat slightly. Jack helped him down to the floor, sitting behind him so Alex could rest against his chest. Alex’s breathing was, after a few more minutes, back to normal and he nuzzled into Jack’s chest. Jack smiled at the contact and stroked Alex’s hair.

“Dad,” Alex said suddenly. “It was Dad.”

It took Jack a moment to realize what Alex was talking about. He glanced back down at the bruises that decorated his wrists and closed his eyes to comprehend the situation. “Your dad did that to you,” he whispered, not wanting to believe it. “What about your mum?”

“She watched,” Alex replied nonchalantly, fiddling with his fingers. “I’m used to it Jack, it doesn’t bother me anymore.” The tears starting to run down his face contradicted that statement.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of domestic violence.

“How often does he do it?” Jack asked softly, brushing a tear from Alex’s chin. Despite his protests that he was used to his father’s abuse, and it didn’t bother him anymore, tears were still leaking from his eyes.

Alex choked on his breath: his crying was getting to the awkward struggling-for-breath stage. “Whenever he’s angry,” he managed, nuzzling his head into Jack’s side. Jack stroked his hair gently, running the mahogany strands through his fingers, admiring the shade.

“How often is he angry?” Jack pressed, softly but firmly. His head was in a bit of a mess from the new information. He knew he should report this but he was sure Alex would refuse.

“Usually every day,” Alex sniffed. His fingers had found the untucked hem of his shirt and he fiddled with it while he talked. “It’s not always bad, sometimes he just slaps me and then sends me to my room. Other times, it’s worse.” Both of them glanced towards his heavily-bruised arm.

“What about your mum?” Jack asked, his legs starting to cramp from the awkward position. He resolved not to move until he knew Alex was comfortable with it.

Alex hesitated. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I know he hits her sometimes, but she works very late, so she’s not around much. Most of the time when Dad’s angry she can calm him down but she’s usually not there when I need her.”

“Doesn’t she stop him beating you?” Jack asked, appalled. He would have understood if she tried to save Alex but couldn’t, but from what Alex was saying, it sounded like—

“No, she doesn’t.” Alex didn’t sound upset by this in the least. “She knows he does it, I guess she just lets him vent his anger on me.” Jack’s anger flickered up like a match being struck; mothers were meant to love their children unconditionally, not let their husbands mistreat them.

Jack let his memories turn back to when Alex had first joined; had he had any strange bruises then? Now that he thought of it, Alex had always been very covered up, even in the boiling heat.

“It’s not that bad, honestly, Jack,” Alex cut into his mind. He had closed his eyes and was relaxed against his chest, and Jack was thankful to see that his tears had stopped. However he was simultaneously heartbroken: that was probably the most affection Alex had received in a long time, maybe for as long as he could remember.

“It is bad, Alex,” Jack corrected him gently. “It’s really bad.” Alex shook his head. “Do you want me to tell anyone?” He suspected he knew what the answer was before he was given it.

Alex sat up, detaching himself from Jack, and sat down opposite him. “No, please don’t tell anyone, Jack. It would mess everything up.”

“Why would it mess everything up?” Jack shifted into a more comfortable position as smoothly as he could, his legs nearly completely seized up by now. Alex looked scared now and his eyebrows were creased together, a line appearing up his glabella.

“Because loads of people would get involved, and it would disrupt my news, and it would be all over the news and everything.” Alex ran a hand over his face. “I’d just hate the whole ordeal.”

Jack nodded slowly. His mind was in turmoil: he knew he was meant to report this, and everything inside of him was screaming to report it, and make Alex safe. But now there was a new voice in his head, while a lot quieter than others, was much more prominent. He knew telling might make Alex better physically, but psychologically it would set him back terribly.

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Jack decided, smiling at Alex reassuringly. _No ,_ howled the majority of the voices. _Go Jack!_ one cheered.

The look of relief on Alex’s face was so obvious it was almost comical. “Thank you,” he breathed. All of the energy had drained from his face now that the conversation was over, and he sighed, exhaustion clear on his face.

“Go to sleep,” Jack said, jumping up and grabbing his jacket from the desk. He folded it up and set it down on the floor, patting it. “There, pillow.”

“No, I’m fine,” Alex protested, although he yawned widely. Jack had started to notice a bit of a theme going on, regarding Alex’s denials of what was blatantly obvious. He sighed.

“Alex, go to sleep. You’re due to be here for another hour, so go to sleep and I’ll wake you up in time.” Alex nodded reluctantly and settled down on the floor, resting his head on Jack’s jacket. Almost as soon as he closed his eyes, his breathing regulated and his shoulders slumped.

Jack moved back to his desk and sat down quietly, pulling out essays handed in earlier, and uncapped his red pen.

*******************************

An hour passed and Jack reluctantly stood to wake Alex. He looked peaceful, his face relaxed and all tension gone from his body. He didn’t want him to return to his house, not after what he’d learnt.

Nevertheless, Jack shook Alex awake gently, watching as his eyelashes flicked open, his brown eyes focusing quickly. “Hello again,” Jack said softly, grinning at the younger boy.

“Hello,” Alex murmured. He stretched and stood up, the joints in his knees clicking as he did so. He winced and shook his legs out. “I’ll get going home,” he muttered, barely meeting Jack’s eyes, obviously embarrassed by what had happened.

Jack laughed. “Look outside, Alex.” About quarter of an hour after Alex had dropped off, rain had started to pelt down from the sky. It had been heavy to start with but even then had increased: it was practically torrential now, and if Alex was to walk home, he’d be soaked before he reached the school gates.

Alex paused, momentarily fazed, but then shrugged. He pulled his blazer on, and replied, “It’ll be fine.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jack scolded lightly, grabbing his bag just as Alex did the same, and pulling his keys from his pocket. “I’ll give you a lift.”

Alex looked uneasy. “Really?” he asked, and for some reason he sounded…worried.

“I’m not an axe murder, Alex.” Alex raised his eyebrows at the comment. “You look worried,” Jack explained. “I’m not going to hack you to death and then eat your heart or something.”

“I know,” Alex hurried to reassure. “Thanks,” was more of an after-thought than anything else. He slung his bag over his shoulder and held the door open for Jack.

***************************

Jack drove slowly, cautious of the ever-growing water on the road. It was more like a river than a road, actually. Alex directed him whenever it was needed; it became more and more frequent as Jack travelled through the part of town he never visited.

When Jack took the fifth successive wrong turn, Alex finally asked, “Do you even live in this town?”

“Shut up,” Jack squinted through the windscreen, the thick rain making it difficult to see. “I live right on the other side, I’ve never been done this bit.” Jack braked sharply to avoid ramming into a lamp pole, previously invisible through the rain.

“Nice driving,” Alex said, and whether there was just a hint of sarcasm in his voice Jack couldn’t tell. He devoted his attention to reversing instead, and headed back out onto the main road. “Left at the next turning,” Alex reminded.

“Right…left,” Jack muttered to himself. He turned when he saw an opening and then stopped, frowning. He was nearly about to drive into a tree: there wasn’t even enough room for the car on the turning.

“I take it back,” Alex said, “I think you are actually going to brutally hack me to death.”

Jack swatted at his arm. “You said next left!” he accused.

“You missed it!” Alex protested. “This is the second one, you must not have seen the first!”

“Whatever,” Jack replied, reversing for probably the fiftieth time that hour.

In the end, it took another fifteen minutes to deliver Alex home (with three more mis-turnings, one near-crash and one emergency brake when a cat with a death wish leapt into the road). When they finally pulled up, Alex thanked Jack and sprinted from the car to his front door, where he was shielded by a large porch as he retrieved his keys. As he stepped over the threshold, he waved goodbye to Jack.

Jack waved back and admired Alex’s house. He lived in a little bungalow, but Alex lived in what was practically a mansion. It was three storeys tall, and Tudor – real Tudor, not mock-Tudor. Jack whistled and headed back out, wondering if he was going to remember the way out, or whether he’d be trapped in this estate forever.

He braked suddenly when he saw a dark figure dart in front of the car, only halfway up the road. The door opened and Jack thought that, ironically, he was the one about to be hacked to death.

It turned out to be Alex. “Jack,” he panted. “I’m really sorry, but can I come back to yours?”


	9. Chapter 9

Jack kept quiet as Alex directed him back out of his complicated estate. He wasn’t sure whether the younger wanted to talk, but he was tensed at the shoulders and his body was hunched over. Finally, when they had joined the main road and Alex fell silent, Jack spoke up. “What’s wrong?”

Alex sighed and glanced over at his teacher. “I hate storms,” he admitted. “My house always shakes from the wind, and I can hear the rain and thunder really clearly, and the lightning freaks me out.” He settled back against his seat, looking a little more relaxed.

“Have you ever had a panic attack from storms?” Jack questioned. He made sure his tone was light and relaxed. He had never experienced a panic attack himself, but now that he had seen several of Alex’s, he knew how terrible they were to experience.

Alex nodded. He considered for a few moments, and then answered, “I think I’ve had at least one every time there’s been a storm,” he confessed.

“Why do they make you anxious, do you have any idea?” Jack asked, flicking his indicator on and steering round a sharp corner slowly, cautious of the flooded road.

“I’m not sure, they just shake me,” he said, and then slammed his hand onto the dashboard vehemently.

“Hey, hey!” Jack soothed, leaning over and grasping Alex’s smaller hand in his. He still had to keep his eyes on the road but he kept talking. “Don’t do that, okay? It’s fine. It’s not bad, it’s absolutely fine. I’ll get you to my house and we can close all of the curtains and sit on the sofa and watch a DVD or something. My house doesn’t sway from wind, and it’s got thick walls so you can’t hear what’s going on. It’ll be fine.”

He could hear Alex’s forced breaths, and he knew that Alex was making himself breathe deeper than usual, most likely to stave off a panic attack. Fortunately, they were no more than two minutes from Jack’s house, so Jack continued his soothing mantra as he drove with one hand on the wheel and the other being squeezed by Alex.

“Here we are,” Jack announced, pulling into his driveway effortlessly. “Want to meet Biscuit?” He turned off the engine and raised his eyebrows playfully.

Alex’s own eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Biscuit?”

“My dog,” Jack answered, his eyes flickering over Alex’s face. He smiled when he saw the younger’s eyes light up. “Want to go inside?”

LINE BREAK

Both of them were in Jack’s living room now; as Alex was drenched, he had borrowed some sweatpants and an old jumper of Jack’s, and Jack had changed out of his work clothes into something comfier as well.

Jack had made hot chocolate for Alex and he was watching the younger as he sipped at the mug hesitantly. They were both curled up on the sofa, and Jack had put his glasses on and put on some Doctor Who re-runs, remembering that Alex had once mentioned his love for the show.

There was a large crash from the storm outside, so loud it was as if was directly over Jack’s roof, and Alex flinched and pulled his knees up to his chest. “Do you want me to turn the sound up?” Jack asked softly, not wanting to startle or frighten the younger boy in any way.

Alex nodded and leant forward to set his mug down on the coffee table. It was only half-drunk, Jack noticed, but he decided not to push it. Maybe he felt freaked out by the storm so he was feeling ill? Jack ignored the niggling voices that were voicing their own concerns, whispering about eating disorders and self-harm.

Jack shuffled towards Alex, just as some kind of horrific monster extended its neck towards a cowering man and hissed: “We are living!” Jack didn’t understand this program at all. Alex was watching the screen intently, his eyes wide and focused on the TV screen. He was sitting very straight and Jack could see his spine through the thin material of his shirt faintly.

Jack wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist, giggling when his student jumped. Vaguely he realised that this was wrong, but he didn’t care. Alex was tense, he could tell, and he hated seeing him distressed in anyway. “Sorry,” he laughed, feeling Alex settle back against him almost immediately.

“It’s okay,” Alex muttered, leaning against Jack’s chest and climbing onto his lap. Jack’s breath hitched: yes, Alex was younger than him, and his pupil, but if an incredibly attractive male was going to clamber onto his lap while they were both wearing thin, loose sweatpants, he was going to be affected.

Hastily, before they got into an awkward (and potentially illegal) situation, Jack said, “Why don’t I get you a blanket? You could sleep for a while. You look tired.” It was true. There were deep, black rings underneath Alex’s warm eyes. Alex considered for a moment and then nodded, sliding off reluctantly.

Jack hurried to the other side of his spacious living room to fetch a furry blanket, and then wrapped it around Alex to keep him warm. The temperature had dropped due to the storm, and he was starting to become chilly as well.

“Where’s Biscuit?” Alex asked drowsily. The mere mention of sleep seemed to have tired him out. He leant against Jack again, who obediently lay down on the sofa so Alex could lie on top of him.

“Not sure,” Jack said gently. “He likes to sit under the table when we have guests round.”

Alex giggled. “Why?”

“No idea.” Jack looked at the position they were in. They were literally pressed together, and Jack was only ever this intimate when he was with a partner. Alex was meant to be his student, for God’s sake. But who would find out? _That’s not the point_ , he reminded himself. The point was that this was illegal, even if nobody knew about it.

“Night,” Alex muttered.

“Night,” Jack replied, even though it wasn’t really.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some non-graphic sexual stuff in this chapter.

Jack rummaged through Alex’s school bag, marvelling at the amount of books he had managed to squash into the small thing. Predictably, his bag was Doctor Who themed, and true to its design, it was bigger on the inside than it appeared on the outside. He flipped through folders and textbooks until he saw Alex’s wallet inside. Triumphantly, he dug it out and opened the leather folds.

Alex had his address written inside on a scrap of paper – although Jack had already driven to his house once today, he had forgotten which road he lived on already. He hoped now that he had the experience, he would be able to navigate the twisting turns through Alex’s estate back to his home. He didn’t want to wake his student necessarily.

He memorized the number and road and slipped the paper back into Alex’s wallet, and then replaced the wallet in Alex’s bag. Very quietly, he gathered together Alex’s bag, blazer and his own car keys. Biscuit was curled up with Alex on the sofa, both of them deeply asleep, but as Jack opened the door, his dog raised his head and yawned with a whine.

Jack motioned for him to stay and deposited Alex’s bag and jacket in the back of his car. He returned to the sofa and pushed Biscuit away gently, then slid his arms under Alex, cradling the boy against his chest. He rose to his feet gracefully, wincing when his knees clicked into place, and ambled back to the car, not wanting to jolt Alex too much and wake him from his slumber.

Once he was in the passenger seat, Jack went back to his door and locked it securely, whispering a farewell to Biscuit, who stared at him from the sofa lazily.

He made sure to drive slowly, not just because of the rain (it was still falling, but not as heavily as before) but because of his student. Jack sighed. When had teaching become so difficult? He wasn’t meant to be attracted to his own student – for one matter, Alex was only just fifteen, and he was twenty-two now. That was a seven year age difference and when it was between these ages, it could as well have been twenty or thirty years.

He wasn’t going to act on his feelings, however – it would be wrong, he would be using the power he had over Alex for his own pleasure. He cared too deeply about Alex to hurt him in that way, but even as he told himself he would not do it, he found himself wondering what Alex would look like when Jack was pressing him against a wall, when he was having his neck kissed and bitten, how he would react to Jack lying on top of him and pushing his tongue into his mouth.

Jack scolded himself for such thoughts. He had to stop thinking like that or the affection for Alex would never go away. Even though he felt terrible about it afterwards, he had pleasured himself to the thought of Alex’s lean body thrashing beneath his as he was in his tight heat. It was illegal for teachers to romance their students, that he knew for certain, but maybe it could be kept a secret? He cursed himself. He was meant to be pushing such thoughts away, and now he needed to truly focus. He turned onto Alex’s estate, checking that the boy was still asleep. He was frowning and looked worried even when he was supposed to be at peace.

Jack sighed as he attempted to remember the way around Alex’s estate. It was complex and intricate, so many twists and turns to remember, each road leading to another until you ended in a cul-de-sac and had to reverse your way out. Through the pattering rain, he caught sight of a road sign that appeared to say _Partridge Lane_ , and vaguely he recalled that this was the way onto Alex’s road, _Goldfinch Avenue_.

After several more turns, confusions and reverses, Jack finally found himself driving along a street that looked familiar. He recognised the houses as looking similar to Alex’s and smiled triumphantly. He had finally managed to get to Alex’s home, without the boy’s help this time.

He pulled to a gentle halt outside number 14, the near-mansion that was Alex’s house, and turned to arouse the boy from his sleeping, but was surprised to see him already awake. “Hello,” he greeted quietly.

Alex smiled in reply. “Hello. Thanks for driving me back.” He seemed shy once more, probably because he had just let Alex witness him when he was vulnerable, and seemed only too eager to scramble from his car and collect his items.

Jack watched him as his did: underneath the eagerness to escape his embarrassment, there was a great sadness about leaving, Jack could tell. As Alex was about to shut the back doors of his car, Jack called out to him on impulse. “Give me your phone.”

Alex paused, looking puzzled, but slammed the back door of his car and then climbed back into the passenger seat, pulling his phone from his blazer pocket. Jack typed quickly and then handed the square mobile back to Alex. “I’ve put my number in there. Text me or call me whenever you need me, yeah?”

Alex nodded in reply, and said nothing, but he reached over and squeezed Jack’s hand before he tumbled from the car once more and hurried to his porch. The driveway was still empty, so his parents were not home, and once more Jack waited before Alex was safely inside before he drove off, to try and escape the labyrinth that was Alex’s housing estate.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of domestic violence in this chapter.

Alex stared at his phone. He had a text open, addressed to Jack, but so far he hadn’t written anything. What was he meant to write? Alex took a deep breath, like his therapist kept making him when he felt anxious, and ran his thumbs over the keypad.

He finally settled upon a general greeting message: _Hey xxx._ He paused and re-considered. Was three kisses too many? Or too few? Alex shook his head as if the worries would fly out of his ears: he was being stupid. It was Jack, after all.

He hit the send button and bit his thumbnail as his phone notified him that his text had been sent. A minute passed, then another. Then five. Alex tore a chunk from his thumbnail and swore as blood swelled up and ran down his hand. He jumped up and hurried through his living room and dining room to the kitchen, running his hand under the cold tap.

When he was satisfied, he headed back to the sofa and beamed when he saw that his phone was lit up, with the notification “One new message from: Jack”. Eagerly, he opened his messages and read the simple _Hey lovely xxx_.

_Alex:_

Did you get home safely?xxx

_Jack:_

Yeah I was fine, don’t worry about me. How are you feeling?xxx

_Alex:_

Not great xxx

_Jack:_

Why not? Be honest xxx

_Alex:_

Just anxious about what’s going to happen when my parents get home. Xxx

_Jack:_

It’ll be fine, Lex. Trust me. Everything will be fine, yeah?xxx

_Alex:_

It’s not usually xxx

_Jack:_

This time it will be, I swear darling xxx

_Alex:_

Thanks but I’m still scared xxx

_Jack:_

What do your parents do to you, Lex?xxx

_Alex:_

My mum is really sweet but my dad’s the opposite. He’s horrible xxx

_Jack:_

What does your dad do, babe?xxx

_Alex:_

He hits my mum…sometimes he does other stuff to her. I wish I could stop him but if I try he just hits me xxx

_Jack:_

That’s abuse, darling, you shouldn’t stand for it. There are people at school equipped for this kind of stuff xxx

_Alex:_

I don’t want any help, Jack, honestly. It’s not too bad xxx

_Jack:_

It sounds bad, and I want to protect you, babe. I’m only saying it because I’m worried you’re going to end up badly hurt xxx

_Alex:_

There’s nothing you can do anyway, he’s really good at covering stuff up xxx

_Jack:_

If you insist xxx what are you doing now?xxx

_Alex:_

Just texting you, might watch some TV xxx thanks for everything you’ve done today xxx

_Jack:_

No problem babe xxx I’m happy to do anything, you know I am. Absolutely anything xxx

_Alex:_

Can I ask you something private then?xxx

_Jack:_

Of course xxx

_Alex:_

How did you realise that you’re gay?xxx

_Jack:_

Not sure really. I was at a party, got drunk and ended up with a stranger’s dick in my mouth. When I enjoyed it, that was a pretty big indicator xxx

_Alex:_

Sorry for not replying, Dad came home xxx

_Jack:_

Did he do anything to you?xxx

_Alex:_

Not yet xxx

_Jack:_

That’s good, try and stay out of his way xxx

_Alex:_

I can hear him hitting mum xxx

_Jack:_

How badly, dear?xxx

_Alex:_

She’s screaming, I think. I’m in my room xxx

_Jack:_

You seem very calm, which is good. Keep taking deep breaths xxx

_Alex:_

I don’t feel calm at all, I feel horrible because I can’t stop him xxx

_Jack:_

This isn’t your fault, Alex. Trust me it’s not xxx

Jack jumped as his phone rung, a piercing, high-pitched trill. The display screen informed him that Alex was calling him. He picked up quickly. “Lex?”

He could tell as soon as the younger boy spoke that he was sobbing. “Jack?”

“I’m here, babe,” Jack reassured him, “talk to me.”

“It’s-it’s Dad,” Alex stuttered into the phone. There was a crackle of static electricity as someone yelled in the background. Jack winced – even over the phone it sounded monstrous.

“What’s happening, Alex?” Jack asked, determined to sound calm even if he didn’t feel it. If he sounded panicked, he could only imagine how Alex would react.

“He’s…he’s hit Mum a lot,” Alex admitted, fear evident in his voice. “I think…I think he used his belt.” Jack closed his eyes and pressed his hand to his forehead.

“Okay, that’s not good at all. But you’ll be fine.”

“Jack – he’s coming up the stairs!” Alex had dropped his voice to a whisper.

“Alex,” was all Jack could think to say. “Oh, Alex, it’ll be fine, I promise.”

He didn’t get a reply for a few seconds, there was just sobbing. “I’m not going to be fine,” his student finally whispered.

“Yes, you are, sweetheart, you’ll be fine!” Jack didn’t know what to do – he felt morally obliged to do something, but he knew Alex would hate him to do anything like that.

There was a large burst of static as someone (presumably his father) yelled, a mumble of angry words, and then the phone went dead just as Alex screamed “No!”

Jack dropped his phone in shock. He had no idea what to do – what was one supposed to do in this situation? Hurriedly he picked up his phone again and dialled Alex: no response, straight to voicemail.

Jack felt a tear slide down his face and sank down onto the floor.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self-harm and domestic abuse in this chapter.

Jack sighed as he surveyed his form that morning. There was no sign of Alex, but he guessed that the boy could be late. He’d never been so far, though. He saw Amy trying to check her phone inconspicuously (obviously not very successfully, as Jack had seen her) and then frown. He opened up the online register and took the roll-call quickly – there was no illness or allowed absence mark. He read out the notices quickly and allowed the form to chat amongst themselves. He snaked through the desks to Amy, crouching down next to her chair. “Do you know where Alex is?” he asked quietly.

Amy bit her lip as she shook her head. “I tried to text him earlier,” she confessed, “but I haven’t had a reply. I know he’s probably just ill or something….but with all of his problems I don’t like to think of him alone at home.”

Jack nodded and straightened back up. “Let me know if he texts back, Amy. His parents haven’t phoned in about anything so…” He spread his arms wide, in a gesture of hopelessness.

LINE BREAK

Jack sat in his first lesson with his phone out and his chat with Alex open. He had set his Year Sevens some work to do and they were happily getting on with it, albeit a little noisily. He had sent a message to Alex asking where he was and if he was okay, and now he was drumming his fingers on the table-top with worry.

Jack ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes, glancing over the class quickly to check that everyone was still working. After telling off one of the boys for threatening another one with a pair of scissors, Jack strode to the cupboard and pulled out the Year Ten books he was in the middle of marking. Typically, the first book on the pile was Alex’s and Jack felt a lump rise in his throat, scraping painfully.

He threw himself back into his seat and pulled his book open, smiling at the familiar scrawl of handwriting. He picked up his red pen and busied himself.

LINE BREAK

The bell rang, signifying the end of period 6 and the students stampeded out of the room. Jack waved them off and smiled at the few that took the time to thank him for the lesson, before picking up his duffel bag and loading it with books. There was a shy knock at the door, and he looked up as Amy approached.

“Hey, sir,” she said. “Um, Alex texted back about ten minutes ago, he just said he isn’t in the best shape and that you’d understand…?” She raised an eyebrow, obviously wondering why Jack would know.

“Yeah, I do.” Jack deliberated between giving Amy a false reason or just leaving it at that. “He said yesterday he thought he was coming down with something, so I suppose it’s that.”

Clarity clouded over the confusion on Amy’s face, and she grinned as she exited the room, yelling over her shoulder, “Bye, Mr. Barakat!”

Jack slung the rest of the books into his bag and then grabbed his jacket. The room was relatively tidy, so he decided to let the cleaners do the vacuuming and dusting, and locked the door after him. As he headed towards his car, he considered whether to visit Alex at home – after what had happened last night, he really wanted to make sure he was in one piece – but if his parents were home, the situation would be worsened. In the end, Jack risked it and turned towards Alex’s estate.

LINE BREAK

The doorbell rang and there was the muffled sound of footsteps. A few seconds later, Alex answered the door. He was wrapped in his duvet and just in boxers. Jack choked on his gasp as he tried to keep his shock internal.

He could only really see his face, and it was puffy and bruised. A fine scratch ran down the side of his face, starting at the centre of his forehead and splicing his left eyebrow, ending at his chin. It looked bloody and sore. His right eye was swollen and purple and his nose looked red and engorged. “Jack,” he said in surprise, his voice choked and hoarse. When Jack looked closely, he could see faint bruises on his neck, not too bad but still visible.

“Oh, Alex,” Jack sighed sorrowfully and stepped into his house. Alex stumbled back instinctively and nearly fell; he winced and let a soft groan pass his lips. Jack glanced down and saw a swollen ankle to be the culprit. “Do you want to come back to mine?” Jack asked gently.

Alex nodded silently and let a solitary tear fall from his eye to his cheek to the floor. “I need to get dressed,” he muttered, and turned to go up the stairs.

“I’ll go,” Jack offered, rubbing the younger boy’s shoulder. “What do you want?”

“Just some pyjamas,” Alex replied, swaying slightly and leaning against the wall for support. Jack nodded and headed up the stairs, looking left and right when he reached the landing to try and locate Alex’s room. He spotted a crowded bookshelf through one of the doors, along with music sheets, and grinned as he headed in.

He located his wardrobe and opened one of the drawers that were at the bottom, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt. He looked around Alex’s room for a few seconds – he didn’t want to keep the boy waiting in pain – and took in the posters that lined the walls, the messy bed and the guitars propped against the wall.

“Hey,” Jack said as he thumped back down the stairs, handing Alex the pyjamas. He received a muttered, “Thanks,” from his students and entered the living room to give him some privacy as he changed. Jack spotted a pad of paper – the small, square, plain kind – and pulled a pen from his jacket pocket.

He waited a few seconds before he went back into the hall, relieved and oddly frustrated to see his student fully dressed. There were more scratches and bruises on his arms, and when Alex stretched gingerly Alex saw neat, long cuts on his hips: self-harm rather than his father. They were recent.

“Here,” Jack said gently. “Leave a note saying you’ve gone to a friend’s for a sleepover.”

Alex raised his eyes and met Jack’s. “Am I staying the night at yours?”

Jack nodded gently. “I’m not letting you stay here.”

Alex smiled and scribbled something on the pad that Jack was offering him, placing it on the hall table and picking up his phone. “Come on,” Jack said gently, guiding Alex out to the car.


	13. Chapter 13

“Try not to flinch,” Jack muttered, squeezing the cotton ball in his hand to allow the disinfectant to soak through. Alex eyed it apprehensively. Jack knew it would sting but if he allowed Alex’s injuries to become infected, it would be a lot worse. “Still,” he ordered firmly, but not unkindly, when Alex scooted back on the sofa. Biscuit whined and laid his head on Alex’s bare thigh.

The young boy was only wearing his T-shirt and his boxers. He was opposite Jack on the teacher’s sofa, and although he had agreed to let Jack take care of the self-harm on his legs and his father’s inflictions on his arms, he had flat out refused to let the older man see his stomach, claiming that he hadn’t anything there. Jack had let it slide on the condition that he could clean up his hips and the two had come to a reluctant deal.

“It’s going to hurt,” Alex whimpered, a crease in between his brow. Jack sighed quietly. He didn’t want to do this, because if he hurt Alex he was worried that the boy wouldn’t trust him again. But he had to make sure the cuts were clean.

“It is going to hurt,” Jack agreed. “I’ll make a bargain, yeah?” Alex’s eyes flickered up to meet Jack’s. “I know you like physical contact, so if you let me clean you up, you can choose what to do for the rest of the evening and it can involve as much physical contact as you like.”

“I can choose anything?” Alex asked. Jack grinned in relief. He was getting through to him.

“Of course, anything.”

Alex nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll think about it.”

“Sure.” Jack raised the cotton ball again. “Do you want me to do your arms or legs or hips first?”

“Arms.” Alex extended his slim wrists towards Jack. Jack pressed the cotton ball onto a deep, purple slash on Alex’s wrist, wincing as Alex cried out. “Stop – stop, stop!”

Jack hastily retracted his arms. “I’m sorry, ‘Lex, I’m sorry.” He waited for the boy to calm down a little before he tried to reach out to him again. He rested his hand on Alex’s knee gently. After a few seconds, Alex settled his own hand over the older man’s.

“Can I have a hug?” Alex asked shyly, seemingly embarrassed of his request.

“Of course.” Jack opened his jeans-clad legs and let Alex settle in between them. He wrapped his arms around the skinny teenager’s torso and pressed his nose against Alex’s hair. “Do you want to try again? We can stay like this.”

Alex hesitated for a few seconds before he nodded slowly. “It hurts a lot,” he mumbled.

“I know.” Jack stroked through Alex’s hair, smiling at the small moans that elicited. “I’m being as gentle as I can, I don’t want you to get a nasty infection.”

“What would happen if I got an infection?” Alex queried.

“I don’t know for certain,” Jack admitted, “but it wouldn’t be good, definitely.”

“Okay,” Alex said, and extended his arms. “Go ahead.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the end it took a full hour to clean Alex up. There were a lot of hesitations and infrequently, he would refuse to let Jack touch him anymore, but Jack was satisfied that he had cleaned the wounds well enough for them to avoid infection.

The two were now in Jack’s bed. Alex had wanted to watch more Doctor Who, which Jack had happily found for him on Netflix, and when it got to around eleven PM he was starting to yawn and his eyes were drooping, so Jack called it a night.

Jack had gone to sleep in just his underwear, like he usually did, but Alex had opted to wear sweatpants and a T-shirt. The student had fallen asleep relatively quickly, but Jack was still lying awake. He couldn’t get to sleep.

He didn’t want to move for fear of disturbing Alex. He had the younger boy spooned against him, his arms cradling the delicate teenager, and their legs intertwined with each other.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jack knew that this was crossing the student-teacher boundary. But somewhere else in the back of his mind, he knew that he didn’t really care. He liked Alex too much.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was noon the next day when Alex blinked his eyes open. “Jack?” he questioned sleepily.

“Right here,” Jack replied, squeezing his hands. “I’m still here, right beside you.”

“What about school?”

“You’re in no fit state for school, Alex,” Jack explained gently. “I know it will make you anxious to miss school but it will be fine, I promise you.”

“What about you?”

“You’re full of questions today,” Jack joked. “I’ve called in and said I was sick. I’ll be spending the whole day with you, sweetheart.”

“Good.” Alex turned around, with some difficulty, so he was facing Jack. His eyes were unfocused from sleep but they brightened up when he looked up at Jack. “Need a shower.”

“You don’t smell,” Jack reassured, stroking through the younger boy’s hair. He chuckled when Alex nestled into him, pressing his face against Jack’s lean chest and wrapping his legs around his waist.

“I feel unclean,” Alex clarified. “Can I use yours?”

“Of course you can.” Jack gently untangled Alex from him, ignoring the whine of disappointment. “Let’s go.”

Alex nodded and sat up, wincing at the pain that shot through him. “I ache a lot,” he confessed. “And all of the cuts feel like they’re going to break open at any second.”

“I’ll keep an eye on them for you,” Jack promised, clambering out of bed. He pretended not to notice Alex glancing down at his crotch in his tight boxers, and held out his hands instead.

The student accepted and heaved himself up. He collapsed against Jack, crying out in pain almost immediately. “Alex! Alex?” Jack held him tightly, shushing him and kissing the top of his head.

“It…hurts, really….hurts,” Alex half-sobbed.

Jack reached down and secured his arm around the younger boy’s knees. “Don’t lock your legs,” he warned as he scooped the boy up into his arms. “I’ll carry you there, yeah? I don’t have a bath or I’d use that.”

He kept up a constant stream of chatter as he padded into his bathroom and sat the boy down on the closed toilet lid. He set the temperature to ‘warm’ rather than ‘hot’ and let the stream trickle down gently so it wouldn’t be so assaulting.

“This will make the pain better, I promise,” Jack smiled, ruffling Alex’s hair. The boy managed a weak smile in return. “Do you need any help with undressing?” Jack asked, half of him praying he’d say no and the other half praying he’d say yes.

“Yes,” Alex said shyly, and Jack simultaneously cursed and thanked the Lord in his head.

“Come on then, stand up for me if you can.” Jack helped the boy wobble to his feet. “Well done,” he praised. Quickly, he pulled Alex’s top off and tossed it to the side. The boy self-consciously crossed his arms over his stomach, so Jack averted his eyes and focused on undoing his sweatpants instead. He didn’t want to make the boy feel uncomfortable.

Soon Alex was left in just his boxers. Jack glanced back up to Alex’s face, and focused on his beautiful hazel eyes as he slipped the loose underwear down. The temptation to glance down was overwhelming but Jack managed to resist. “Thanks,” Alex muttered, obviously embarrassed now about his nudity.

“I’ll go, yeah? I’ll wait outside so call me if you need me.” Jack exited the bathroom quickly, still avoiding any other part of Alex’s body except his eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo this chapter is absolutely shitty and really short but basically I’ve had some massive issues recently and haven’t been able to write and this chapter was always going to be short anyway but I wanted to update because you guys are so lovely xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Shit,” Alex said, and stumbled backwards. He had forgotten about the sink, and had just walked straight into it, his hip colliding with the porcelain painfully. He rubbed it, wincing, and blinked a few drops of water from his eyes.

“You alright?” Jack called through the door, concerned.

“Yeah, fine.” Alex grabbed a small towel and shook it out, ready to dry his hair with it. “Just walked into the sink.”

“Clever.” Jack snorted from outside. Alex rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored him. He dried his hair with the towel, not bothering to comb his fingers through to lay it flat, and wrapped the larger towel around his waist. He had no desire to put his clothes on again, so he unlocked the rusty bolt and opened the door.

Jack blinked as he looked him over. “Better?” he asked once he had found his voice.

“Much,” Alex replied gratefully and truthfully. “I feel clean.”

“That’s usually the purpose of a shower,” Jack grinned. He was staring right into Alex’s eyes; the younger boy was a little put off by the intensity, but found himself staring right back.

He opened his mouth to respond but he couldn’t find the words to say anything. He stood there with his mouth open for a few seconds, feeling like an idea, and then he felt rather than saw Jack move closer towards him. He placed one hand on his student’s back and one of his fluffy hair, and then his lips pressed against his own.

Alex screamed internally with joy, but all that came from his throat was an excited squeak as he eagerly wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist. Jack took that as an excuse to bend down and pick Alex up and carry him to his bedroom, still with their lips connected.

Jack sat down on the edge of the bed and helped Alex to straddle him, running his tongue along Alex’s lips. Unsure of how to kiss, Alex opened his mouth and moaned as the rough denim of Jack’s jeans brushed against his hardening – let’s not go there.

Finally, Jack broke the connection, and then nuzzled his head into Alex’s damp shoulder. Alex rested his chin on the top of Jack’s dark head. He was happy but – fuck, what had he done?


	15. Chapter 15

Jack nuzzled his nose into the side of Alex’s face. Then he kissed his cheek and his neck, sucking hard enough for Alex to know that there was going to be a mark. Alex couldn’t help the moan that escaped his open lips, which Jack took as a sign that he wanted more.

It wasn’t an inaccurate conclusion – Alex was growing steadily harder – but Alex was worried for two reasons. Firstly – Jack was his teacher. And secondly – he didn’t know how to kiss. The first concern, although it should probably be the one that was troubling him more – was pushed to the back of his mind by the second. He and Jack had a connection, so why did it matter that Jack was his teacher? He was more alarmed about whether he was a crap kisser or not.

Still, when Jack lifted his head and sought Alex’s lips again, he didn’t stop him. He responded eagerly, winding his hands into Jack’s thick hair and tugging. The older man was far too good at kissing for his own good. Alex yielded to his lips weakly, letting Jack become dominant. He was forceful but still gentle somehow, his lips soft and tender and every so often he would drive Alex crazy by letting his teeth graze the other boy’s lips.

Alex was trembling with the feeling and the clothes he was wearing were supressing his erection painfully. He felt embarrassed that he had become aroused this easily though, so he was glad for the fact that it was hidden somewhat.

Alex was running out of air. He broke from the kiss, gasping heavily. Jack grinned ruefully, kissing his hair instead. “Sorry,” he mumbled in between kisses. “I forgot that you needed to breathe.”

“Don’t worry,” Alex replied, once he had got some oxygen back into his lungs and didn’t feel so light-headed. “Jack…can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Was I bad?”

“Bad at what? At kissing?”

“Yeah.”

“No! You were amazing!” Jack lowered his head and pecked Alex on the lips quickly. “I could do it all   
day long.”

Alex smiled in relief. “Why don’t we then?” he asked mischievously. He felt slightly devilish around Jack, but still shy. He didn’t dare make eye contact, ducking his head as he said this.

Jack kissed his hair again. “Because I don’t want to go too far with you.” He slid his hand down Alex’s back, massaging the small indent in the small of his back.

“I don’t mind,” Alex responded, leaning in to Jack’s touch happily. “I trust you.” His throbbing erection was aching for release. If Jack didn’t do something soon, he’d need to excuse himself to go to the toilet.

“How about we start with the…issue…in your pants?” Jack grinned. Alex groaned; he hadn’t realised Jack had noticed. Jack seemed to take the groan as a sign that Alex was agreeing with him. And whilst that definitely wasn’t why he was groaning, Alex definitely wasn’t disagreeing either.

Jack slid his hand down Alex’s front and further still. Alex’s breath hitched when Jack’s cool hand made contact, and his teacher laughed softly. “Let’s go upstairs,” he whispered.  
Alex was only too happy to do so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Fuck, you’re hot,” Jack mumbled as he arched his back and kissed Alex’s neck. Alex grinned and moaned at the same time, one of his hands tangled in Jack’s hair and the other around his cock.

“I know,” Alex said mischievously. “You are too.” As dirty talk went, it was a bit weak on his side, but Jack seemed to be enjoying himself anyway. Alex could scarcely believe what was happening. Yesterday, Jack was his teacher and Alex was the student.

Today, they were both naked in Jack’s bed, and Alex’s hand was on Jack’s cock, and Jack’s lips had been on Alex’s cock not even minutes ago. It definitely wasn’t normal, but when had Alex’s life ever been normal? So he let that thought drift away and concentrated on what he was doing.

Alex had insisted on the lights being off and Jack not looking at him naked, only touching. Jack had seemed a little nonplussed by this but had agreed readily. He probably thought Alex was extremely shy – yes, that was true, but Alex also didn’t want Jack to see the tiny, self-inflicted cuts littered all over his body.

He gasped as Jack sucked on his nipple and rolled them over, so he was on top. “Sorry if I’m really shit,” he panted. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“You’re the opposite of shit,” Jack gasped. “You’re the shit.”  
Alex laughed and kissed Jack’s neck slowly. His mind was spinning out of control, and his thoughts didn’t make any sense. They tended to be along the lines of holy fucking shit what the fuck is happening oh my God this is incredible I hope nobody finds out because we’ll be in trouble but what the hell fucking hell.

When Jack came, Alex knew they should stop. They had gone so far already, despite not even establishing their relationship, and Alex knew if he didn’t exercise some self-restraint then he’d soon be riding his teacher, which he definitely wasn’t ready for yet.

“Can we stop now?” Alex asked hesitantly. “I’m not bored or anything. Just tired.”

“Of course,” Jack said. “And I should probably go clean myself up.” Alex nodded and watched his teacher as he padded out of the bedroom and down the hall, into the bathroom. He might, or might not, have admired the view.

While Jack was occupied, Alex quickly hopped out of bed and pulled his clothes on. He was sweaty again, rendering the earlier shower useless, but he didn’t care. It was worth it all. He did a quick plan in his head of what needed to be done: he needed to talk with Jack about what their relationship was, he needed to text his parents to tell them he was at a friend’s house – they got suspicious if he didn’t text them every hour, which was ridiculous – and he needed to do homework. It sounded ridiculous even as he thought it, but he did need to do it.

Jack came back into the room, still stark naked. “Can we go downstairs and talk?” Alex asked, clearing his throat. “Just about the relationship we now have and stuff.” Jack nodded and started pulling his clothes on, flashing Alex a quick grin.

When he was done, he held his hand out for Alex to accept (which he did) and they headed downstairs together.


	16. Chapter 16

Jack sat down on one end of the couch, and after some deliberation, Alex sat down opposite him, at the other end. He badly wanted to sit down next to Jack, and curl up into his side and squeeze him tightly; but now he was scared that Jack wouldn’t want that. He settled for smiling nervously at his teacher instead, and scratching Biscuit behind the ears.  
  
Jack patted the space in between them, and Biscuit leapt up and lay down, panting and looking between them. Alex smiled a little; he loved dogs. Animals understand people much better than people understand people.  
  
Jack was doing his best to make Alex as comfortable as possible, offering cushions and drinks, but Alex refused all. He just wanted to get on with the conversation. Just as Jack began to offer him something else, Alex interrupted. “Jack – could we just talk?”  
  
Jack looked a little startled, and Alex had to remind himself that most people didn’t get as anxious as he did about unknown situations. “Please,” he added, lowering his eyes.  
  
“Of course,” Jack said genially. “Where do you want to start?” Biscuit leapt off the sofa again, trotting off to the kitchen. A few seconds later, they heard hm crunching on his dry food. Jack took the opportunity to shuffle towards Alex and take his hand, just a few centimetres between them.  
  
“I think just – what is our relationship now? Because we were always more than teacher and student before, but now we’re something else and – I just want to get it clearly defined.”  
  
“I understand,” Jack said gently. “I think – and tell me if you don’t agree – that I really like you romantically and sexually, as well as your personality. So if you feel the same way and agree with me, I’d like to consider us boyfriends.”  
  
Alex couldn’t stop the stupid grin that spread over his face. He thought Jack would say it was fun but it couldn’t happen again. This was better than he could have hoped for. “Yes!” he burst out. “I would love that!”  
  
Jack beamed as well. He closed the last few inches between them and kissed Alex firmly on the lips, sealing the words they had both just said. “I’m so glad you feel the same way,” Jack murmured, their lips still pressed together.  
  
“Do you mind if – well, not slow – but we take things not too quickly?” Alex asked tremulously. This was it, he knew. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach and a dryness in his mouth. This was the moment where he ruined everything.  
  
“Of course I don’t mind.” Jack ruffled Alex’s hair playfully. “My main priority is you, baby.”  
  
The sinking feeling vanished and the dryness was replaced with a rush of warmth. He let out an odd squeak and flung his arms around Jack, he was so pleased with this. Jack was his main priority as well now – he valued him even above himself, which some people might say was verging on dangerous, obsessive love. But Alex knew it was his personality – everyone he knew was ranked above himself.  
  
“I’m guessing we’re going to keep it a secret?” Alex asked, his voice slightly muffled by his face being pressed into Jack’s chest. He felt Jack nod firmly above him.  
  
“We’ll have to.” Alex nodded as well. He understood, and in a way he enjoyed the thought of having something that was a secret, just between him and Jack; but at the same time, he got an unpleasant rush of anxiety, pre-emptive nerves in case anyone did somehow find out.  
  
“How old were you when you lost your virginity?” Alex asked suddenly. He wanted to know suddenly, to know how much experience Jack had compared to his own – or lack thereof, to be more exact.  
  
Jack chuckled. “Well, I was seventeen, and I don’t care that you’ve never done anything like that because you’re fine just as you are.” He kissed the top of his head.  
  
Alex smiled weakly, trying to hide it from Jack. He didn’t want his boyfriend – that still felt weird to say – to know how happy that made him, not just that Jack thought that, but also that he could see past Alex’s words and figure out what the boy was really, subconsciously asking.  
  
“Okay. That’s good. Um…how do you…do sex?” Alex asked awkwardly. What he was really trying to ask was ‘do you top or bottom?’ but his brain failed him.  
  
“I top and bottom,” Jack answered. Alex could hear a stifled laugh in his voice at Alex’s awkwardness. “Usually I top though.” Alex made an “mm” noise to let Jack know he had registered his words.  
  
“That’s all, I think.” Alex racked his brains. He couldn’t think of any other questions to preposition Jack with, at least not then. He looked up and slowly, a little scared, took the lead and kissed Jack. He was pleased when he responded immediately, picking Alex up by his hips and lifting him onto his lap. Alex felt himself growing hard again, to his embarrassment, and ground his hips down a little to relieve some of the tension. He hoped Jack didn’t notice.  
  
Jack noticed.  
  
Within seconds, Jack’s hand was snaking inside Alex’s boxers and rubbing him. Alex threw his head back and let his worries fly away as he enjoyed the sensation.


	17. Chapter 17

“Morning, class,” Jack greeted as members of other forms streamed in. He had three people in his form who were in his History class, and the other twenty-one students were scattered throughout the year group. He had studiously ignored Alex that morning, even though he was in both his form group and first class, aware that if he glanced over at the boy he wouldn’t be able to keep his affection from showing clearly on his face.

Alex, on the other hand, thought Jack was now upset or disappointed with him. He couldn’t imagine what for, but his anxiety was in overdrive. His stomach was made of coils of snakes and his head was pounding from a nervous headache that had begun already. He felt hurt.

Jack waited for the last of the class to stream in and kicked the door shut gently with the tip of his foot, and then pulled a whiteboard pen out of his trousers pocket. He quickly scrawled the date and title on the board, before turning round to the class and checking that everyone was there. It was a full house today – he would fill in the register a little later. His eyes flickered over Alex quickly and he registered the upset on his student’s face, and felt a similar pang of upset in his chest.

He swallowed it quickly and carried on with his lesson. “So, today – the My Lai Massacre. Very interesting, you’ll need to focus in the second half of the lesson – but I thought we’d start with a short video which explains that basics.” The class cheered happily – they always loved videos. In actual fact, he had been planning to do the video in the second half of the lesson, but the look of Alex’s face was breaking his heart.

He slid the DVD into the player and waited for it to load up, and then switched on the overhead projector that it was connected to. He spent a few minutes setting it up, letting the class chat amongst themselves while he did so. He flipped up his laptop and typed in his password.

As the film started up, he shushed the class and asked them to watch the film please, and then quickly marked the register as full. He checked that the class – the majority at least – were paying attention to the film, and grabbed the lesson plan for today to check over it.

He only had three lessons to deliver that day out of a possible six, giving him a lot of time to do marking and more lesson planning. That was ideal – seeing how upset Alex was, he wanted to speak to him after school and maybe spend some time with him, and if he managed to get all of his work out of the way, he’d have much more time to waste with his boyfriend.

He marked as quickly as he could, getting through about thirty pieces of homework from his Year Sevens before the film began to draw to an end. When it did, he flipped the last book shut and switched the overhead projector to the computer monitor, to where he had a PowerPoint ready. A groan rose up from the crowd but Jack ignored it and proceeded with his lesson anyway. He caught sight of Alex a few more times but always turned away hurriedly, before he could make too much eye contact.

~~~~~

It was the end of the lesson, and as the bell rang all of the students scrambled to leave quickly. Jack opened the door and walked back to his desk on the opposite side of his room. On the way, he dropped a hastily scribbled note on Alex’s desk. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw Alex open it, his eyes widen, and then drop it into his pocket.

Jack hoped that Alex would do as he had asked and come back at the end of the day to see him.

~~~~~

The bell rang again. The end of the school day was here. Jack packed away the books he had just marked, neatly into the drawers in his desk, and waited impatiently for Alex to arrive. He supposed he would have to allow him a few minutes to get from whichever class he just had, but Jack was starting to worry that Alex wasn’t coming.

When five minutes had passed, Jack was considering giving up all together. He had now stacked all of his textbooks in the cupboard, straightened all of the desks, tidied his own desk and shrugged his jacket on. Hs heart leapt every time he saw a student stroll past the doors nonchalantly, but it was never Alex. He would know him even if it was just the small glance that he got through the miniscule glass pane in the door.

Another five minutes later, and Jack was about to abandon all hope, when the door swung open and his heart jumped in his chest. Alex walked in, closing the door behind him and walked towards him with his head down. “Alex, baby,” Jack said softly, immediately hugging the younger boy. Alex stiffened before he relaxed again, finally wrapping his arms back around Jack’s back.

“Let me explain, baby,” Jack murmured, kissing the top of Alex’s head. It was risky to do this in a classroom, but most of the students and teachers would have left the grounds by now, and he doubted anyone would see them together. He released Alex and indicated the chair at his desk.

Alex sat down in it hesitantly, and Jack crouched down in front of him, resting his hands on Alex’s knees. “I have to be so, so careful at school,” he began. “Every time I look at you, my heart explodes with affection, and I get this stupid smile and I can barely resist grabbing you, shoving you against a wall and making out with you.” Alex blushed but smiled a little. “So I have to restrain myself here – at school – by not looking at you or talking to you, because otherwise how much I love you will be obvious.”

Alex sniffed, which Jack had learnt by now was more of a nervous reflex more than anything else. Then he spoke. “I understand…I didn’t before, so I was upset. But now I’m not.”

Jack smiled soppily. “Good.” He sprang to his feet and kissed Alex, hot and hard. He left the boy flustered and grabbed his hand quickly. “Want to come back to mine?”

Alex nodded, grinning shyly and biting his lip. “I’d love to,” he murmured. “What would we do?”

Jack considered as he pulled Alex from his classroom and locked the door behind them. “Well, we can watch films or TV, read, do work…actually, scrap that…eat, anything you like.”

“Could we…” Alex shook his head. “Never mind.”

“No, say it,” Jack pressed. “I want to make you happy, baby.”

“Could we…like…make out and stuff?” Alex’s voice trembled.

“Definitely,” Jack grinned. “Have you ever been given a blowjob, Alex?”

“Of course not,” Alex said. “I’ve never had a partner before.”

“You don’t have to be in a relationship to have sex,” Jack pointed out, and received a light swat on the arm.

“I’m not a slut,” Alex said huffily, though Jack could tell he was doing it light-heartedly. “And I’m not old yet.”

“Oh, and I am?” Jack teased, unlocking his car and slipping into the driver’s seat. He waited for Alex to slide into the passenger seat before he started up the engine.

“Well, no…just older than me.”

“True enough,” Jack acquiesced, speeding through the familiar drive to his home. He wanted to get back as soon as he could, so as to spend as much time with Alex as was humanely possible. There were a few moments of comfortable silence, and then –

“Why were you asking about blowjobs anyway?” Alex asked quietly, staring out of the window. Jack grinned at how cute and innocent his boyfriend was.

“I just wanted to know if you’d ever received one,” Jack shrugged, shifting gears.

“Yeah, but why? I mean, why do you want to know?”

“I wanted to know how spectacular I’m going to have to be.”

“Why?” The tips of Alex’s ears were bright red. He wasn’t used to discussing matters like this.

“Well, your first blowjob can’t shitty, can it?” Jack grinned mischievously at Alex, already planning out what he was going to do in his head.

“No…I suppose it can’t.” A small smile reached the corners of Alex’s mouth.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex smiled and rolled over in Jack’s double bed. His back was warm from being pressed against his boyfriend’s front and their legs were intertwined. He snuggled his neck into the pillow and Jack’s neck creases, breathing in the elder’s scent appreciatively.

Jack blinked his eyes open, gazing around in confusion for a few seconds and then smiling down at Alex. “Sorry if I woke you,” Alex apologised, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist.

“Don’t worry,” Jack murmured, his voice deep from sleep. “We’ll need to get up soon, anyway. School and everything.”

Alex groaned, pulling the duvet up around them both. “No, no, no,” he mumbled. “Stay here forever.”

“Sorry babe, we can’t,” Jack said, half-apologetically and half-amusedly. “We have to go to school, I have to teach, you have to learn.” He kissed Alex’s forehead and tumbled out of bed.

~~~

Two hours later, Jack pulled into a small lay-by a couple of streets away from the school. “I don’t think we should go in together, can you walk from here?” he asked Alex, who nodded and grabbed his bag. “See you later.”

“See you later,” Alex returned, pressing his lips to Jack’s quickly, before walking down the street to school. He looked back once, winking at Jack, before sticking his headphones in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ik this is really short so sorry but this is just a filler chapter cuz I needed to set the scene and hopefully I will be writing the next chapter today/tomorrow and it will be up v soon!!! Thanks for all your support so far I love you all so much <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This would have been up a little earlier today but my dog had a seizure and had to go to the vet's! :( she's alright now but we're not quite sure what's up with her so she's had a blood sample taken and hopefully it's not anything too serious! xxx

The day had flown by quickly. Jack had taught for all six periods but unfortunately for both of them, none of the lessons included Alex. Now the last bell of the day had gone, and Jack was letting his hyper-active Year Eights out of the door, eagerly awaiting his after-school coaching session with Alex.

“Come on, come on, come on,” he chanted under his breath, glancing out into the hallway and smiling when a small number of his Year Eights thanked him for the lesson. It was always nice to receive praise for teaching; so many students were not interested that it was nice to have some appreciation for the hard work he put in.

Just as the last pair of students were filing out, Alex entered the History corridor, grinning when he saw Jack leaning against the doorframe. Jack nodded his head, aware that there were still many students filling the corridor around them and not wanting to give anything away.

Alex stepped through the crowded hall quickly and carefully, holding his breath as he slipped through the tightly-packed students. Jack ushered him into the room quickly, shutting the door and instructing him, “Deep breaths, yeah?”

Alex nodded and followed his instructions, sitting down at a desk and splaying his hands out on the solid wood, breathing deeply in through his nose and out through his mouth.

Cautiously, Jack lowered the blinds over the window set into the door, to make sure that nobody could look in. Alex tended to be rather impulsive from time and time, and it would be just Jack’s luck if a student looked in just as they were kissing.

He was on the second floor, his window facing out over the main roads, so he didn’t need to bother about that window. “What are we doing today?” Alex asked, retrieving his workbook from his bag and setting it down on the desk, along with his pencil case.

“Some more stuff about the Vietnam War,” Jack said distractedly, hunting for his key. “Um…Viet Cong tactics, what they were, why they worked, how the USA tactics were useless against them…that stuff.” He found his key in his jacket pocket, slung over the back of his chair, and hurriedly locked the door. Several students at the school – and by several he meant the majority – weren’t too keen on knocking on doors before barging through them.

“Sounds good,” Alex said nonchalantly, flipping his book open. “Um…are we going our separate ways after this?” Jack grinned slightly at Alex’s roundabout way of phrasing the question.

“We could, or we could not,” Jack answered, hoping for the latter. He didn’t have to worry – Alex jumped at the chance and eagerly agreed to go back to Jack’s. Jack smiled again at his enthusiasm and flopped into the chair next to Alex.

“Sooner we start, sooner we finish,” Jack encouraged. “And the sooner we finish, sooner we get to go and be alone.”

“We’re alone now,” Alex said suggestively, and licked his lips. Jack rolled his eyes in frustration – however risky it was, he couldn’t resist pressing his lips to Alex’s ever-so-quickly and carding his hand through his hair for a second.

“Now, no more,” Jack warned. He saw Alex open his mouth to protest, already blushing from that small amount of contact, and quickly cut him off. “If you get on with the work, we’ll be done in an hour, and as soon as we get home, we can make out.” Alex considered the bargain for a few minutes and then nodded, uncapping his pen quickly.

Jack opened the GCSE textbook. “Right, we’ll read through these few pages and then do the focus task,” he said, scanning the words. “So, guerrilla warfare.”

~~~

“Hour’s up,” Alex chirped, glancing behind him at the clock on the wall. “You said we’d only be an hour.” He laid down his pen expectantly. Jack had to suppress a chuckle – Alex took everything so literally.

“It has been an hour,” Jack agreed readily. “I’ll read over what you’ve done just to check it, and you get your coat on and stuff.”

“Okay,” Alex said happily, sliding his book over and grabbing his coat, slipping it on smoothly. Jack read over the scrawled pages for a few minutes and nodded happily, confident that Alex understood everything he was expected to.

“Let’s go,” Jack said, grabbing his own jacket and unlocking the classroom for them both, and then locking the door behind them again. “What do you want to do when we get back?”

Alex raised his eyebrows. “What do you think?”

“God, you’re such a horny teenager,” Jack mumbled, keying in the code to let them out of the building and holding the door for Alex.

“If the glove fits,” Alex said cheekily, skipping over to Jack’s car. It was the only car left now, the car park strangely eerie when it was so deserted. “Oh, and cuddle as well.”

If Jack had to sum up Alex in three words, they’d be ‘cuddly horny teenager’. Then again, if he had to sum himself up in three words, they’d be ‘cuddly horny adult’, so he wasn’t really in any position to judge. Or maybe he was in a better position than most. He considered that point as he jumped into the driver seat of his car and revved up the engine.

Alex loosened his tie as soon as they set off. “Don’t take it off completely,” Jack said quickly.

“Why not?” Alex asked, his hands falling from the garment.

“You’ll see,” Jack said, winking. He had plans for that tie. “Unbutton your shirt, though. It’ll make everything quicker.”

Alex narrowed his eyes but still fumbled with the buttons clumsily, working around his tie as he did so. “What will it make quicker?” he asked curiously.

Jack rolled his eyes at his immaturity. Well, not immaturity – naivety was the better word for it, maybe. “Our making out, of course.” The immediate blush that covered Alex’s cheeks didn’t go unmissed.

As soon as Jack parked the car and shut off the engine, Alex hopped out, leaving his bag behind in the foot well. Jack supposed they could always come back and retrieve it later. He locked the car and checked the door, then fumbled with the multitude of keys on the small key-ring.

“Hurry up,” Alex whined, his leg hopping up and down. Jack laughed, eventually finding the key, and slotted it into the door. “Finally,” the younger boy moaned, following Jack inside.

Biscuit was shut in the kitchen, as he always was during the day (he had a tendency to chew the cushions otherwise). Jack thumbed in his security code and without giving Alex time to process what was happening, grabbed his tie and pulled him closer, against the closed door.

“Come here,” he growled, and connected their lips together in a heated kiss. He only spent a few seconds before he let his tongue dance across Alex’s lips, eagerly running his hands down Alex’s bare chest.

He let his fingers rub gently against Alex’s exposed nipples, enjoying the moan that slipped past his student’s lips and vibrated against his throat. He decided to go somewhere a bit more comfortable – he was fine, but Alex, being pressed against the door, probably wasn’t – so he broke the kiss, grabbed Alex’s tie and tugged him upstairs, stumbling a little.

Alex giggled when they tripped into Jack’s bedroom, and allowed Jack to lead him down onto the bed. “I’m glad you told me to keep the tie on,” he laughed, opening his legs so Jack could settle in between them.

Jack nipped at Alex’s collarbone in reply, his tongue darting out and his teeth grazing over the sensitive skin there. Alex moaned and bucked his hips upwards, desperate for friction. “Fuck me,” he gasped, and whether that was an invitation or just a phrase, Jack wasn’t entirely sure.

“Maybe later,” he replied, deeming it safe for either situation. He moved down Alex’s body, sucking over his nipple, and then kissed a line down to the waistline of his trousers. “Okay?” he asked, his hand resting over the zipper. He thought he saw a flash of panic in Alex’s eyes but he was sure that he must have been imagining it, because the next second, the boy was grinning and nodding enthusiastically.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is another very short chapter because it's more of a filler but I hope you enjoy it none the less ^-^ and thanks to everyone who wished me well about my dog - she's fine now, so it seems like it might have been a one-off and she's all fine now! Love you all xxx

Jack tugged off Alex’s jeans, and sat back to look over the boy properly. And he gasped in horrified shock. He hadn’t noticed before, caught up in the heat of the moment, but Alex was scarily skinny. Hs ribs were poking out through the thin paper of his skin and his hipbones jutted out sharply.

“What?” Alex asked, obviously alarmed by the gasp. He sat up and crossed his legs, staring at his boyfriend worriedly. Jack had hoped that maybe it was just the angle that Alex was at that had made his bones stick out so acutely, but he saw that wasn’t the case.

“Alex, we need to talk,” Jack said, wincing at how grim his voice started. “Baby, you’re way too skinny.”

“I’m not,” Alex said confidently, but his face betrayed his tone. He hopped down from the bed and retrieved his shirt, pulling it on and crossing his arms defensively. “Can I have those back?” He nodded at his jeans.

Jack handed his trousers back and worried at his lip. “Alex…I know what weights are healthy and which weights aren’t. Yours isn’t.”

“I’m fine, Jack,” Alex ground out, and maybe Jack was just imagining it, but his entire body seemed to have tensed.

“Alex, you’re obviously not—” Jack started, getting off the bed to confront Alex. But before he could say any more, Alex leapt forwards in a sprint, pushing Jack back against the bed-frame and dashing for the door. Jack winced as his hip-bone hit the wooden frame sharply and fell, hitting his head against the wall.

After a few seconds of wincing and blinking away the dizziness that swam in front of his eyes, Jack grabbed his desk and hauled himself up, feeling another surge of dizziness wash over him, like a crashing wave onto the shore. There was a swell of pain in his head but Alex was more important.

By the time he had managed to straighten himself, Alex was long gone. He wasn’t anywhere in his house, or anywhere on his street. Jack sighed and slumped on the sofa, patting Biscuit when he joined him. “I hope Alex is okay,” Jack whispered, pulling out his phone and trying to call his boyfriend.

Biscuit whimpered in agreement as the call went straight to voicemail.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for being so patient with this story!! And for everyone who wished me well with my dog, she's absolutely fine now, it's as if nothing ever happened! I will be trying to update this story regularly but I have my GCSEs coming up soon, which will be going all the way through May and June, so I can't promise any updates then! I will try though :) and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

The bell had rung twice now. Once to signal that it was time for students to get to their forms, and one again to signal that the first lesson was beginning. Jack opened the door to let in his Year Eights and went back to his computer, and logged onto the school system. “Alex Alex Alex,” he whispered under his breath, bringing up the boy’s timetable.

As his class began to fill in, he wrote a quick email to Alex’s first teacher, asking if he could send Alex to him at the end of Period One if he turned up for the lesson. Then he turned round to his Year Eights and asked, with a wide, false smile, that they were starting a new topic. There were the expected groans as the students realised they would actually have to work now, but grins when Jack announced they were going to be working in groups and they could pick their partners.

Jack smiled at the scramble, but deep at the back of his mind, he couldn’t stop worrying about Alex.

~~~

The bell rang again an hour later. “Shit, shit, shit,” Jack muttered under his breath as he checked his email. There had been no reply from the teacher, which didn’t necessarily mean that he hadn’t received the request, but it made it less likely.

Luckily he had the next period free, so he could sit and wait for Alex to turn up without needing to focus on teaching.

He had been sitting and waiting for half an hour when the door swung open, and a tired, pale, moody-looking Alex walked in. Jack breathed a sigh of relief and checked that the areas around them were clear, and then pulled Alex into a deep hug.

“Sorry,” Alex muttered. “For hurting you last night, I didn’t mean to, I just panicked and I had to get out of there.”

“Shh, don’t worry about that,” Jack whispered, stroking Alex’s hair. He held his student at arm’s length and examined him. “Did you sleep last night?”

“A bit,” Alex said quietly. “I was worrying about you but my parents took my phone.”

“That’s alright,” Jack replied, deciding not to mention the major anxiety he had been feeling. He suspected that wouldn’t make Alex feel better. “Look, you need to get to your class – have you only just gotten in?” Alex nodded. “Right, well, go to your next class and come to the coaching session after school, we’ll talk more then.”

Alex nodded again. “Are we going to do anything else?” he asked mischievously, a twinkle in his dull eyes.

“Definitely,” Jack laughed, and walked Alex to the door. “See you later, hot stuff.” He grinned at Alex as he skipped out, looking much happier than he did before. Jack smiled. He loved making Alex happy.

~~~

As soon as Alex had walked through the door at the end of the day, Jack had grabbed him and closed the door, then pushed Alex against it and kissed him instantly.

Now they were still in the same position and had been for a while. Alex had wrapped his hands around Jack’s waist, grinding their crotches together and letting Jack kiss along his neck and collarbone happily, sighs of deep pleasure escaping his parted lips.

Jack felt bad about it, and so guilty, but he had an ulterior motive in turning Alex on like this. He knew the boy was least shy about his body when Jack was pleasuring him like this, and he really needed to get another look at him.

He fiddled with the buttons on Alex’s shirt, fumbling and cursing. Alex laughed and helped him, shrugged it off eagerly and letting it fall to the ground. Jack knelt down and kissed his stomach, his breath apparently tickling Alex, who squirmed and giggled.

Jack kept the smile plastered on his face as he pulled Alex’s trousers down and palmed him through his boxers, but in reality he was scanning his eyes over Alex’s torso.

Alex was drowning in the pleasure, but he was obviously sensing that something was wrong. “Jack?” he said hesitantly. “What are you doing?”

“What do you think?” Jack gasped.

“Jack, you know what I mean.”

Jack leant back, planting one last kiss to Alex’s stomach. “It’s just…look, I think you’re beautiful, and trust me I so want to fuck you, but I’m just worried about your weight, yeah?”

Alex sighed. “I know, I need to lose loads,” he said, looking down at his own body disdainfully.

“No, the other way round. You’re too skinny,” Jack said quietly, brushing his hands over Alex’s protruding ribs to prove his point. Alex shook his head. Jack nodded. They were locked in a stand-off for a second, and then Alex slid down to his knees as well.

“What do you want me to say?” he asked Jack, his voice so low and muffled by Jack’s shoulder that the words were nearly unintelligible.

“I want you to tell the truth,” Jack said quietly, stroking Alex’s skinny back, feeling all of the bumps of his spine. “I want you to tell me what problems you have and how you see yourself so I can help you.”

Alex looked up and stared into his teacher’s eyes. And then he nodded.


	22. Chapter 22

“I see myself as a freak,” were the first words that Alex confessed. They were blurted out, spilling from Alex’s lips neither naturally nor freely. Indeed, the young boy looked horrified that he had said that, and began trembling slightly. Jack knew it wasn’t from being cold but grabbed Alex’s abandoned shirt anyway and offered it to him.

Alex accepted it and smiled when Jack helped him to shrug his arms through the sleeves and then did the buttons up for him, sure that Alex’s fumbling fingers wouldn’t be able to complete such a task.

When the shirt had finally been done up, Alex shifted hesitantly towards Jack, who just smiled at the teenager’s awkwardness and opened his arms, a clear signal to his boyfriend. Alex eagerly snuggled into Jack’s chest and sighed contently.

“Your hair is so soft,” Jack murmured absent-mindedly. He could feel it rustling against his chin, feather-light. Alex made a pleased grunt and purred like a cat.

“Why are you so good to me?” Alex asked wonderingly, after a few seconds of deep silence had passed between them both.

“Why do you think you’re a freak?” Jack countered. He tapped Alex’s nose lightly when he opened his mouth to retort. “Don’t do that ‘I asked you a question first’ crap, I know you were going to.”

Alex giggled a little, a sound that was an odd mix between sadness and affection. “Okay,” he agreed, only sounding a little reluctant. “I think I’m a freak because…” He let out a sharp exhale. “I’m…fat, I’m ugly, I have these stupid problems like my anxiety and depression and I cut myself and stuff and just…ugh.” Jack was startled by the self-directed venom in Alex’s voice.

“Well, I have three things to say,” Jack said, in a firm voice that told Alex he was going to have to accept what he said. “You are not fat; you are not ugly; your depression and anxiety, yes they are mental health problems, but they’re neither stupid nor make you a bad person or a freak; and the same goes for your self-harm.”

“That was four things.”

“Firstly, don’t distract me from the subject.” Jack poked Alex lightly in the stomach, eliciting a giggle from his chapped lips. “And secondly, I teach History; not Maths.”

“Okay, I won’t distract you,” Alex replied, winking to hide his discomfort. Jack could read him too well though. “I…” Alex tailed off and buried his face in Jack’s chest for comfort, inhaling his scent happily. Jack waited patiently for Alex to calm himself down and when his boyfriend spoke again, his voice was muffled but still understandable. “I’ve never…I mean, I get what you’re saying and I wish I could believe you, but…I’ve never, and I mean even-when-I-was-little-never, felt secure or slash and comfortable in my own body.”

Jack paused as he considered how to respond to a comment as heart-breaking as that. He decided the change the topic ever so slightly, and ask another question. He didn’t want to push Alex too far or make him clam up either. “Why do you feel like you need to lose so much weight?”

“Two reasons.”

Jack waited for Alex to explain further, and then encouraged him gently when he realised that the young boy hadn’t realised that Jack wanted to know what the reasons were. “Which are?”

“I think I’ll be more attractive,” Alex said bluntly. “I’m not ever going to be actually attractive, I’m very much too ugly. But also,” he hurried on, seeing that Jack had opened his mouth, doubtless to protest that he was ugly. “It gives me some control over my body and my life. I mean…I can control my weight and what I eat so it makes everything else – the things I can’t control – more bearable.”

“You can still control your weight and what you eat without starving yourself, baby. You’re far too skinny already.”

“I know what you’re really trying to say,” Alex said softly. “I don’t have an eating disorder, Jack.”

“Al—”

“I don’t! Yes, I self-harm but I definitely do not have an eating disorder.”

A few seconds passed in silence. Then a whole minute, and then another minute, and then another minute. Alex glanced over to see why Jack said anything, and was horrified to see that his boyfriend was crying silently, tears pooling underneath his eyes and a few slipping down his cheeks.

“Oh, don’t cry,” Alex pleaded, moving round and straddling Jack’s legs so he could hug him easier. “It’s okay,” he whispered, even though he didn’t feel like it would be. He knew he had caused this somehow; he knew Jack was crying because of his weight but he didn’t know why.

He just wanted him to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter has been so long but everything has been hectic! I've been revising like crazy for my upcoming GCSEs, then on the 30th April it was my birthday (I'm 16 omg I don't like it) and then I've had so much stuff going on to do with revision and work and exams that I've been massively pushed for time!! As a result of all this, this chapter is probably awful but I hope you enjoy anyway and as my exams are ACTUALLY REALLY starting in SIX DAYS (MY ENTIRE FUTURE WILL BE DECIDED BY THESE EXAMS OML) I might not be updating for a while :( I will try my hardest though and I love you all and all the support you guys give me! <3


	23. Chapter 23

It took Jack five minutes and forty-three seconds to stop crying. Not that Alex was crying or anything. Alex hadn’t done anything except run Jack’s back, in between his shoulder blades, and hum a random tune under his breath to try and calm both of their nerves.

As soon as Jack had shed his final tear, he grabbed Alex and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re too precious for this world,” Jack murmured. “And I’ll protect you and make everything alright.”

“I know you will,” Alex whispered back. He wanted to stay like this forever, so he refused to move when Jack began to get up, and with a squeal, he realised that Jack was lifting him up, taking advantage of the way that Alex had his arms encircling Jack’s neck; the younger immediately and instinctively wrapped his legs around Jack’s slender but well-built frame.

“Want to come back to mine?” Jack asked, his tone serious but also a little suggestive. Alex nodded enthusiastically. Jack laughed and nudged at Alex’s hair, prompting the younger to look up quizzically; Jack took the opportunity to steal a quick kiss. Alex giggled and blushed, still not used to the blatant affection that Jack showered him with.

“Let’s get going,” Jack said softly and set Alex down, reluctance on both of their parts.

Nobody else remained in school now. Even the cleaners had finished their rounds and gone home; all after-school detentions had ended and no more teachers had stayed behind to catch up on marking or give extra tutoring (as Jack was supposedly doing). It was fun being the only ones there; they walked with their hands intertwined or with their arms around each other’s waist, occasionally sneaking down a little, and more than once one would push the other one up against the wall suddenly and kiss him passionately.

Needless to say, the usually two-minute journey to Jack’s car took them over five minutes. And they both loved every second of it.

“Apparently teenagers are really horny,” Alex spoke once they had both ducked into his car.

“Yep, they are,” Jack replied with a wink, and started the engine.

“I swear you’re horny just as much as I am, though.”

“Two reasons,” Jack pulled out of the school car park. “One: I have a very high sex drive. Two: you’re extremely hot.” He saw Alex blush out of the corner of his eye and bite his lip shyly.

“Works out well for me then,” he replied after a few seconds pause.

“Definitely. There’s just one difference.”

“What’s that?”

Jack grinned devilishly. He laid his hand on Alex’s thigh, steering the car with his spare, and traced a slow line leading to his groin. “They get hornier…so much quicker.” He squeezed lightly and smirked to himself when he realised his boyfriend was half-hard already.

Alex bucked his hips up involuntarily and hissed, “Go faster.”

~~~

Jack swallowed, his hands digging into Alex’s hips. Alex gripped his boyfriend’s hair as he released and sighed contently when he was done. “Thank you,” he said breathlessly.

Jack straightened up and kissed him briefly before heading to the kitchen to get a glass of water. “I enjoyed I,” he called back over his shoulder.

He heard Alex pad after him, and eat a couple of grapes from his fruit bowl as he twisted the tap. “Is this the part when we have a serious talk?” Alex queried, when Jack joined him at his small dining table.

“What makes you say that?”

Alex shrugged. “You usually tease me more, but today you just full-on blew me. Not that I minded.”

“Yeah, I want to have a serious talk,” Jack admitted. He had been rumbled. “But you can have lots of cuddles throughout.

Alex eyed his boyfriend suspiciously. He had a feeling that this serious talk would just be a continuation of the talk earlier. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore, but he definitely didn’t want to refuse Jack what he wanted to do, or act like a child and throw a hissy fit. “Fine,” he said eventually, albeit a little reluctantly. “Sofa?” he asked, making an effort to sound like he was even a little willing to talk.

“Sofa,” Jack agreed, and kissed Alex’s forehead. “You go settle down, I just need to nip upstairs quickly.”

Alex wondered vaguely why he had to go upstairs but padded through to the lounge obediently regardless. He unbuttoned his jeans and kicked them off, onto the floor, and then settled back against the comfortable sofa and pulled a thick, woollen blanket over himself.

It was only a few minutes later that Jack returned, holding a notebook and a stack of papers in one hand, and a pen and a small bottle in the other.

“Diet plan,” Jack announced. “We’re going to make one.”

“A diet plan?” Alex quizzed.

“Mm-hm.” Jack tossed him the notebook and pen. “Make calorie plans, meal ideas, all that stuff.” He caught sight of Alex’s panicked, anxious face and kissed him on the top of his head. “It’s not going to be loads of calories,” he reassured him. “We’ll start off with like, eight hundred calories for the first week, yeah? And then we’ll go up by, say, a hundred—”

“Fifty.”

“Alright, fifty per week, until we get to a healthy amount but one that also keeps you at a weight you’re happy with. Okay?”

By way of reply, Alex said, “I trust you,” and flipped open the notebook, and uncapped the pen.

“Good,” Jack said, flopping down opposite Alex. “Now, I’ve been doing some research for a while now and this—” he handed over the pile of papers – “is a list of pretty much every food I can think of, with how many calories it has.” That left just one thing.

“What’s that bottle?” Alex asked curiously.

Jack grinned. “This contains your incentive.”

“Sorry?”

“Well,” Jack said slowly, “you remember that time when you were super-tired, when we were in bed together?”

“Vaguely.”

“I don’t know how much you remember, because I’m pretty sure you were at least half-asleep, but you told me that you wanted to go a step further and be fingered.”

Alex blushed, scarlet and hot. “I said that?” He couldn’t believe he had been so bold, even though he had been wanting to do that for a long time, and had been never been able to summon the courage to do it himself.

“Yep, so this lube is encouragement. For every weekly schedule you create – and don’t cheat on, I will be checking – you get a step closer to being fingered.”

Alex squirmed, unsure whether it was from arousal or embarrassment. “Okay,” he said breathlessly.

“So,” Jack winked. “Start at eight hundred per day, make sure you’re getting a variety of food types and add fifty on for each new week until you reach one thousand five hundred. Yeah?”

Alex nodded to show that he understood, and for once he actually did. He watched as Jack slithered off the sofa. “I’m going to take Biscuit out for a walk; will you be alright for an hour or so?”

Alex nodded quickly – he would be working and as such as he shouldn’t get lonely. And he was looking forward to his reward. “I’ll be fine.”

“Good.” Jack kissed him lightly before he grabbed Biscuit’s lead and whistled to his Old English Sheepdog. Alex smiled when he heard Biscuit’s claws clattering on the wooden floor and his excited barks. He loved dogs.

Alex waited until he heard the door click shut behind the two of them before he got up to look for a ruler. He padded through the lounge to the kitchen; he had been at Jack’s enough times now to know that he kept his school stuff in the great, horizontal cupboard that ran along one of the walls. He was sure there’d be a ruler in there.

Ruler retrieved successfully, Alex made his way back to the living room when something in the dining room caught his eye. His curiosity piqued by the object, he wandered over and picked it up carefully, glancing around guiltily even though he was alone.

It was a plain, white envelope, and written on the front was, in a slanting font, in black biro, ‘Jack Barakat’. Alex felt a little guilty for snooping but he figured that it couldn’t be anything too confidential if Jack had left it lying around in plain view.

Inside was a slip of paper, and when Alex pulled it out he saw that it was only the length and width of his thumb.  On it was scrawled, in the same handwriting as on the front of the envelope, “I know your little secret.”

Alex frowned down at the paper – what could those words mean? He slipped the piece of paper back inside the envelope and tossed it back to where it had been before he had disturbed it.

What could Jack possibly be keeping a secret? Alex decided to push it to the back of his mind for now; it might be a bit (lot) concerning, yes, but if Jack didn’t mention it then it surely couldn’t be that bad, right?

Actually, it could be very bad, because Jack was very protective over him. Alex began to make his meal plans, but half of his mind was on the note. In the end, on one thousand, two hundred and fifty calories, he decided to just ask Jack about it.

With surprisingly good timing, Alex had just finished his last weekly meal plan as Jack arrived back. “It’s so cool outside oh my God!” he shouted as he slammed the door behind him. Alex giggled and rubbed Biscuit’s head when he galloped in happily.

“Hey,” Jack greeted when he came in. He bent down to look at what Alex had been doing and his face brightened. “Well done! You’ve done all of them.”

“I know,” Alex said proudly, but he couldn’t stop his entire body from trembling with anxiety. His palms were sweating.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked him, immediately sensing his nerves.

“Nothing, just…” Alex mumbled, and then tailed off. He had no idea how to breach the conversation he wanted to have now.

“Spit it out,” Jack ordered, absent-mindedly patting Biscuit’s head.

Alex sighed and slithered off the sofa. He hurried into the dining room, grabbed the envelope and returned, handing it over to Jack. “This.”

“Ah. This.” Jack didn’t even seem mildly concerned or worried about it.

“Who’s it from? And what’s the secret?” Alex pressed urgently.

“Calm down – I expect it’s just a student playing a prank, badly.”

“What if the secret is us?” Alex burst out nervously.

Jack glanced over at him, his eyes wide with understanding. “Is that why you’re so wound up?” Alex nodded tightly. “Oh, you silly thing.” Jack pulled him into a hug. “I think it’s just a student who found out about the bottle of gin in my desk and is playing a little trick. It was posted under my door at school, after all.”

“You have a bottle of gin in your desk?” Alex asked incredulously.

“It’s left over from a teacher’s party last year, okay?” Jack said dismissively.

“Okay.” Suddenly Alex felt the tightness in his chest dissolve. “Good. Just a prank.”

“Just a prank,” Jack agreed. He nuzzled his nose into Alex’s hair, kissing his ear. “So you’ve done the meal plans?”

“Yep, all of them.”

Jack turned Alex around on his lap gently, and then kissed him passionately but softly. “Take this,” he said, handing him the bottle of lube, “go up to my room, get undressed, stay dressed, whatever makes you more comfortable, and when I’ve checked these over I’ll come up, yeah?”

Alex grinned, excitement burning in the pit of his stomach. “Okay,” he agreed, and ran upstairs eagerly.

~~~

He only had to wait for three or four minutes before he heard Jack bounding up the stairs. He had stripped down to his boxers, still a little shy about his body, and was sitting in the middle of the bed.

Jack’s eyes raked over his body before he grinned and kneeled on the bed in front of him. “Ready?”

“Definitely.”

Jack grinned and kissed, licked and sucked a line from his neck to the waistband of his boxers. He glanced up to check that this was still okay. When Alex nodded with a nervous smile, he pulled down on his boxers and pushed him back gently so he was lying on the bed.

Ten minutes later, Jack was squirting lube onto his fingers, staring down at his fully hard and gorgeous boyfriend. He hadn’t wanted to rush straight into it, so he had spent a bit of time relaxing him first – it was worth it, to see the blissed-out expression on Alex’s face. “Ready?” Jack asked again, just to be sure.

“Please,” Alex replied without even opening his eyes.

Jack smiled, and spread his boyfriend’s legs a little more.

In another ten minutes, Alex was screaming out in pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyyyyyy i'm terrible at writing smut lmao so i just imply it and even then it's shit
> 
> anyway how are you guys? i've done 6 of my GCSEs and i only have 25 left! (i'm dying inside) and i've been writing this rather than revising as much as i should. yay.
> 
> anyway tho hope u enjoy this chapter it's one of the longest i've ever written ayy so yep have some fluff/smut/plot


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo it's been bloody ages since I've updated because of exams and writer's block and stuff but!!!!!!!! good news!!!!!!!!!! only two more chapters of this story left and then the sequel!!!!!!!!!!!!! excitement!!!!!!!!!!!

Alex giggled as Jack peppered kisses along his neck, glancing behind him at the door. “Someone could see,” he whispered, tugging at Jack’s hair to get his attention.

“The door’s closed,” Jack answered dismissively, lifting Alex up by his thighs and sitting him on the desk. Alex squealed and wound his legs around Jack’s waist.

“There’s a window in it,” Alex hissed, his heart beating fast from the making out and the anxiety. He pushed Jack back gently as he tried to kiss his jawline, knowing it would just distract him.

Jack sighed and pressed his forehead against Alex’s briefly, before stepping away and flopping into his desk chair.

“Sorry,” Alex said, in a voice that was barely a whisper. He felt tears building up behind his eyes, angry at himself and upset for disappointing Jack. He looked down at his lap, his vision blurring.

“Alex? Alex, I’m not mad,” Jack said in surprise. “I just…I’m just annoyed at your anxiety.”

Alex nodded. This was what he’d feared for so long, that Jack would get tired of his mental illnesses and leave him. That was why he’d been hiding them from his boyfriend lately. “I’ll just go then,” he said in a small, choked voice.

“What? No!” Jack caught hold of his sleeve as he made to go. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said softly, drawing Alex into a hug. Despite squeezing his eyes shut, a tear still leaked onto Jack’s shirt. “I meant that I hate what it does to you, not that I hate you because of it.”

Alex shuddered in relief, finally bursting into tears. Carefully, Jack guided them both so they were sitting in Jack’s ergonomic chair, Alex curled up in his lap while he sobbed his heart out.

“I thought you were getting a little better,” Jack muttered kindly. “You seemed better.”

In between sniffles and sobs, Alex offered a basic explanation, “I…no. Not really. I just…it gets better around you and I didn’t want you to leave me…and I don’t know. It’s not better.”

Jack didn’t reply with words but tightened his hug instead, kissing the top of Alex’s head. Eventually he said, “Don’t keep this from me. I want to help.”

Alex nodded shakily, but deep down he knew that he probably would keep on hiding how he felt; it just came naturally to him by now. But he would pretend for Jack’s sake, to make him feel better. “I want to go home,” he muttered.

Jack laughed softly. “It’s lunchtime,” he said softly. “You can’t go home yet.”

“Fight me,” came the muffled reply from Alex. He sniffed and glanced up, and Jack kind of wanted to punch himself in the face because the student was so cute.

“Definitely,” Jack replied with a wicked grin, and attacked…with tickles.

“No! No! Stop!” Alex shrieked, worming out of Jack’s grip and falling on the floor. Jack seized the opportunity and straddled Alex’s hips, pinning him down and mercilessly tickling him. Alex was barely able to breathe from laughing so hard, and even though he was trying to push Jack off him, he was enjoying it far too much.

Jack stopped when Alex started coughing, rolling off him and laughing himself at Alex’s wheezing giggles. “Fuck me,” Alex gasped, clutching at his stomach.

“In a heartbeat,” Jack grinned, kissing Alex sloppily.

Alex smiled lazily. It was times like this that made him realise just how lucky he was to be in love, and made him forget that his depression actually existed. Love wasn’t going to cure him completely, but it could hold off the symptoms temporarily. “Why don’t you then?”

Jack paused in the middle of straightening his tie. “You’re young,” he reminded his boyfriend. “And you have issues, and I’m not messing your brain up.” He tapped the side of Alex’s head for emphasis.

Alex grinned. “You already make me produce larger than normal amounts of serotonin, one of love's most important chemicals,” he said promptly. “And considering that serotonin has the possibility to turn someone temporarily insane…I’d say we’re past that stage.” He crawled towards Jack and kneeled over him, nuzzling into his neck.

Jack breathed out shakily. “You make a compelling argument for such a nerd.”

Alex bit the lobe of Jack’s ear gently for that comment, smiling to himself at Jack’s gasp of arousal. “How about tonight?”

Jack so badly wanted to resist, but the look that Alex was giving him with his eyes clouded with lust and arousal and the way he was licking, biting, sucking his neck and the way that his hand was oh so lightly hovering over his crotch and fuck what was he thinking about again –

“Tonight,” Jack agreed breathlessly, pulling Alex towards him to kiss him deeply. He didn’t know whether he’d be able to hold on until tonight, at the rate this was going, but he definitely wasn’t going to let Alex lose his virginity on the classroom floor.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sex ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“This will hurt,” Jack warned, in between open-mouthed kisses. He had Alex pinned underneath him, squirming from arousal and impatience.

“I know it will,” Alex gasped, bucking his hips upwards, desperate for some relief. “Oh my God, just do it.”

“This is a big deal,” Jack said slowly. He wanted Alex, Jesus Christ he wanted him, but he wasn’t going to ruin this for Alex, no way.

“I may have to tie you down and climb on top of you in a second,” Alex growled, raking his hands down Jack’s back. Jack felt a shiver of pleasure run through him at the thought and added it to his mental bucket list.

“Maybe later,” he said as casually as he could manage, and slid down Alex’s slender frame quickly. He mouthed at his boxers, relishing in how hard Alex was, and then fluidly pulled down the cotton briefs. Alex whimpered as the cool air hit his flushed erection and then groaned as Jack licked and sucked at his rim.

“I’m going to come if you don’t stop,” he gasped, and half-relieved, half-disappointed, he felt Jack stop and reach over him to retrieve the bottle of lube. There was a flick as the cap was opened, a squirting noise as Jack smoothed it over his fingers, and then a primal growl from Alex’s throat as one of Jack’s long, slender fingers pushed into him.

It would always be weird, the first finger, and it was never quite enough to offer him pleasure, but his pessimistic thoughts were soon lost when Jack carefully slid in another finger and scissored him open gently, sliding all the way in and then out again.

Alex let out a strangled sound when Jack grazed his prostrate and moved his fingers in a sort of “come here” motion, pushing his hair from his sweaty forehead. When the third finger was slid in, a guttural scream ripped itself from his throat without Alex even realising what noise he was making.

Jack was moaning too, palming himself and getting off on the delectable noises that Alex was making from his ministrations. “You ready?” he gasped, his cock swollen and heavy. He needed Alex right now, dammit.

Alex nodded frantically and whined when Jack withdrew his fingers, waiting impatiently for Jack’s cock to replace the emptiness. Jack spread the remaining lube over himself – and then some more, just to be safe – and ever so gently pushed just the tip into Alex’s tight hole.

“More,” Alex gasped, scratching at Jack’s back. He moaned with every inch that was pushed into him, having to adjust for the last few from the size of Jack, and closed his eyes in bliss when he bottomed out.

Pleasure was burning through his entire body, setting every nerve on fire. Jack was grunting and panting and moaning and kissing his neck and gasping his name and fumbling to stroke Alex’s cock and Alex couldn’t do anything but cling to Jack and scream over and over again until he came and his hole tightened around Jack and then Jack came, his hot come filling up his tight, hot hole and Alex never wanted to stop.

“Love you,” Jack muttered, curling himself around Alex. He had insisted on pulling out, knowing the pain that Alex was going to be in and even more so if he stayed inside of the younger boy all night, and after some grumbling (and a blowjob) Alex had reluctantly agreed.

“You too,” Alex murmured, his voice hoarse and cracked from all of the screaming of Jack’s name he had done. “Cuddle me more.” He pulled Jack’s arms around him insistently, and was asleep within seconds. Jack soon followed, a smile on his face.


	26. Chapter 26

The door clicked open. Jack looked up, a pen cap in his mouth, expecting it to be Alex, sneaking in at lunchtime for a quick making out session, but instead it was Amy. He capped his pen and set his work aside, smiling at his student. “What can I do for you, Amy?” he asked pleasantly.

Amy smiled back, but it was more of a smirk than her usual soft, kind grin. She was holding a white envelope in her left hand and her right was stuffed in her pocket. Without speaking, she held out the envelope, which Jack took with no small amount of confusion.

He wondered idly if this was some kind of homework assignment, but why would she be concealing it in an envelope? He ran his finger along the glued flap and frowned as he saw part of a glossy photograph, pulling it out fully.

He gasped when he saw what it was; a picture of him and Alex kissing, Alex on his lap, his shirt unbuttoned, Jack palming him through his trousers, their lips pressed together hard and Alex’s hands clutching Jack’s messy, rumpled hair.

“How did you get this?” Jack demanded, fighting the urge to slam his fist into a wall.

Amy smiled, that sly smirk again, and perched herself on the edge of a desk, crossing her legs. “Let’s just say that I noticed something up between you two,” she said airily. “So I did a bit of Sherlock-ing.”

Jack buried his head in his hands. This couldn’t be happened. This really couldn’t be happening right now. “What do you want, Amy?” he asked eventually.

“Not much.” Amy shrugged. There was a careful look of indifference plastered on her face as she examined her nails. “Just for my grades to be bumped up to an A, maybe an A* every now and then.”

“Fine,” Jack said abruptly, staring at the photo. “And I’ll write you good reports, whatever you want.”

“One more thing,” Amy said happily, still checking her hands delicately. “End the relationship.”

Jack looked up at that. “Why?” he asked, his pulse accelerating. “Why would you care about that?”

“Because Alex is my friend,” Amy said, finally setting her hands down and meeting Jack’s gaze. “And you’ll end up hurting him, and I don’t want that.”

“Like you really care about Alex,” Jack snorted cynically. “You’re just doing this for the grades.”

“The grades are just an added bonus,” Amy smiled. “My main concern is Alex, I’m just failing History right now. I don’t think I need to tell you what I’ll do if you don’t keep my conditions.”

“Yeah, you’ll tell the head teacher, et cetera, et cetera.”

“Good.” Amy hopped down from the desk. “So I’ll be off now, you break up with Alex, bump up my grades, and you can keep the photos…for memories’ sake.”

 _Bitch_ , Jack thought bitterly as Amy walked out, for all the world looking as if she was an innocent little angel. Grimly, he pulled out his phone and sent a rapid text to Alex. ‘ _Come to classroom, now. Important._ ’ He knew Alex would probably worry about the lack of kisses or kind language, but maybe it was for the better if he stopped acting like he felt.

He drummed his fingers on the desk whilst he waited for Alex to arrive. When he finally did, Jack didn’t return his smile, and motioned for Alex to sit down in a chair opposite his desk. He got right to the chase.

“We can’t be together,” he said abruptly, immediately hurting inside at the sight of Alex’s wounded expression.

“What did I do?” He sounded like a lost puppy, kicked by its owner while it expected a treat.

“Nothing,” Jack said quickly. He had to be an arse about this, but he didn’t have to be an absolute twat. “I’m just not comfortable with this, with you being younger than me.”

“You said it didn’t matter before,” Alex whispered. He was scratching at his arms, seemingly unaware of his actions.

“It does now,” Jack said firmly. “I think we should just be friends from now on.”

Alex frowned. “Fuck you,” he said abruptly, and stood up, kicking his chair over. He walked from the room without a second glance, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

Jack sighed and buried his head in his hands. “Fucking hell,” he muttered to himself, trying to ignore the ache in his heart already.

LINE BREAK

He hadn’t used these for ages. They had been sitting in his drawer, untouched but ready to be used if the need should ever arise again. He didn’t think the need would, but here he was, sitting in his room with a blade pressed to his wrist.

He hadn’t done it for so long now; it felt almost strange, but not as strange as he would have thought after having such a long break from this. The blood felt good, dripping down his arms, staining his skin, cleansing his worries.

He became more vicious, tearing at the skin until it hung from his wrists in thin strips, blood oozing, pain overwhelming, head dizzy and light and boneless. Alex made no move to stop the bleeding, allowing it to baptize his troubles.

Little did he know that on the other side of the town, a teacher was sitting with a blade, contemplating whether to do the exact same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the story done for now!!! There will be a sequel starting shortly so stay tuned folks, and be sure to let me know what you've thought of the story!


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